Don't Let That Hold You Back

Four of my favorite Christian female authors released a new book on Tuesday!!

I pre-ordered 3 out of 4, and I'll grab Lysa's soon too.  (I wanted these on my bookshelf, but I'll for sure listen to the Audible version.)

Yaaaay - thanks to Kristin for this reminder today!!

I'm preparing and planning for a job interview tomorrow morning, and this encouragement was well-timed - thanks, God!

I'm especially excited to read this one by my good friend, Annie F. Downs (who I've only met twice in person and who I'm guessing is now legally Annie Jaeger, which brings me lots of joy).  I also love that she got colorful shoes and nails to match her book cover - fun!

I've read the first two chapters thanks to the pre-order bonuses, and the message of this book feels like God's good and perfect timing for me...

Fun Fact:  One year and three days ago, I was in NYC watching Hamilton live on Broadway!  (A truly fantastic solo trip - and it gave me the courage to book the solo Alaska cruise.)  Yes, please, to knocking those fantastic experiences off my Life List!! =)

Two days later, I had the Dallas IVF appointment where I learned about the fibroids that eventually led to me letting go of the embryo adoption plan.  I've got to say, the enemy knows how to target overthinkers (and it's so easy to believe lies when we are vulnerable and hurting) -- my ability to reframe things can be a great blessing or a curse, and it is VITAL that I take my thoughts captive and submit to God's leadership, truth, and grace!

I'm thankful for good friends who could help me separate the light from the dark and see things more clearly when the path ahead felt foggy and scary.

I pressed the pause button on almost everything in that season, convincing myself that I had gotten the adoption pursuit very wrong and it was better for me to step back until I knew for sure that God was with me and for me in whatever I was stepping into...

But the truth is, I did a lot of things right in that season.  It was right and good for me to pray over that dream, step out in faith, put my best foot forward, trust God's goodness, and pursue motherhood wholeheartedly.  AND it was right and good for me to recognize the doors being closed, pray for wisdom, and learn to accept and surrender to God's leading in a new way.  Hard.  But not wrong; not missing God; not stupid, inadequate, or selfish.  God wasn't mad at me or disappointed in me over any of that, and I don't want to allow the enemy to steal or kill or destroy the good things God did in me and for me through that season.

God did not fail or abandon me then, and He will not fail or abandon me now.  Even today, I have to trust Him and be willing to step out with bold faith in pursuing new dreams, while also being willing to surrender to His leading even when it is hard or costly!!

I feel like I'm getting the chance to do both of those here lately as I step back into the CCU PhD pursuit.  It feels equal parts daunting and exciting in this moment - I've spent the better part of a year convincing myself that I'm not cut out for the counseling world and don't really belong there, but God has spoken so clearly lately that I cannot (and would never want to) ignore or dismiss it.  Praying for more of God's power and grace as I step toward His calling and purpose for me - which involves sticking with some things I would rather leave, and letting go of some things I'd rather cling tightly to!!

All that to say, I don't want to let anything hold me back from following God boldly, and I think Annie's book will be really encouraging on that front!

❤

Shifting gears, it made me (and Kyndal Faith) happy that Coach Nikki (the solid leader of the Rise Club VB organization) used her pic on the Instagram invite for club tryouts!!

"Do not be afraid as you go out to fight... Do not lose heart or panic or tremble before them.  For the Lord your God is going with you!  HE will fight for you against your enemies, and He will give you victory!"  YES, Deuteronomy - love this book!!  God is with us and bringing us victory over the enemy, but we still have an active role to play by going out to fight for the full life God wants to give us - I feel that as deeply as I've ever felt it in this season!

HBD to Kate on Tuesday (when I started this post - lol).  

Thankful for her example of resilient joy and for her friendship through the years!!

Okay friends, I am off to sleep in my very own bed for the first time since August 6th - exciting times!!

Very grateful that Mom is improving, and we decided it was better for me to start the day here for the morning interview.  Praying for good momentum, that God will open the right doors as I move forward with integrity and faith.

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College Football!

'Twas a historic Saturday for college football... and a very good day as far as Mom and Dad are concerned!

1.  The OU Sooners lost to Michigan (unexpected)

2.  The Texas Longhorns beat Ohio State with a literally last-minute touchdown
3.  The OSU Cowboys defeated the #6-ranked Oregon Ducks in Stillwater (with fans storming the field at the end of OSU's first home game with their new coach)!

Thanks to Melanie and Sophie's podcast, along with Brene Brown and Adam Grant's podcast, plus years of Mom and Dad being major sports fans, I know more about the college football world than most people would expect. lol  And still, I'm mostly in it for the food, company, and photos on these OSU Club-level tickets!

Chet and Tate joined me for this one.  It was slated to be an 11AM game, then there was a rain delay that pushed the kickoff back to 12:30.  Lame, but it did allow us to stop at the University Store, where I grabbed an OSU t-shirt, earrings, and sunglasses, and Tate grabbed a foam finger! lol

This = us making a quick trip across Boone Pickens Stadium to see Bill and bring him some popcorn and an ice cream bar!  (Tate didn't love the loud fireworks as the game was getting started, but he still smiled for my photo, which I always appreciate!)

This was a really nice break from my month+ of nursing and caregiving.  I listened to a fantastic audiobook on my drive there and back, then we cheered on the Cowboys, and Chet and I had an important convo that helped me prepare for another important convo once we finally got our seats to watch the game.  They were serving brisket, pulled pork, nachos, salad, white cheddar mac n' cheese, shrimp and grits, hot dogs, chili, biscuits and gravy, crispy bacon, fresh fruit, waffles, cheesy hashbrown casserole, etc., along with assorted cookies, candy, and ice cream bars!  Even though the rain delay made getting a table impossible for us in the beginning, I'm a big fan of the 11AM games for the brunchy food combo!!

Selfie by Chettles

Group pic on our way out by the fun OSU letters!

North Club level view from inside - we got a bar-table seat overlooking the field, which was perfect for chatting without too much noise (or heat or humidity) but still seeing and feeling a part of the game!  ...It also helps that Chet and I would both choose good conversation over football 95% of the time. lol

Tate was excited to run on the Sherman E. Smith practice field (right across from the North Club Level suites).

We left in the middle of the 3rd Quarter - the Wilsons needed to get home, and the 1.5-hour delay didn't really help with that.  I was happy to see that the Cowboys pulled off the win - a much better way to start this new season than the random loss in Tulsa last week.

And in non-college-football-related news, tomorrow, this preshface will be six months old, so Happy Half-Birthday to Miss Paige Evelyn!! ❤

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Forward Focus & Flashback Friday

How adorable are my niece and nephews in this Summer 2017 pic!?

Mom and I were looking for this photo, and in the process, I stumbled across a few other gems...


Including the best girlfranz in the world, Sam-Puffins and Ella-Bellsy!! ❤

And this phone note for a Quotables post -- Zoe was J's favorite friendly CFA employee, and I vividly remember hearing this convo while pushing them on the swings at Mom and Dad's, and being so cracked up by their cute expressions and sincerity!

Mini Miss K playing the Mom of two, and Carter Lee hanging out with Bellsy outside!

And here's J&K today - 8th and 7th grade - their school pics turned out pretty great, in spite of Kyndal not getting to wear her #1 choice of shirt for that day (due to Amazon being late with the delivery)! lol

This = her disliking her cutely scrunched, naturally-wavy hair! lol

Melissa (known as GiGi by her grandkids) posted this adorable pic with Paige Evelyn on Grandparents' Day!

True story...

Note to Self:  You can do this - one day at a time.
Close the loops.  Stay the course.  KEEP GOING. ❤

Dr. Philip's post on obeying God yesterday.
"It won't matter how much you built, only whether you built it with Him."
Gracious, true story.  These are solid leaders I want to stick with!

My first Station walk in over a month - it was good to be back out there!

Jaceman and TJ playing basketball (pic from Mom and Dad's driveway camera)

After a month+ of watching very little TV and movies (because God cleared my schedule via caretaking duties), I feel pretty determined to make a clean break there - to set my focus higher and make the clear choice to be set apart from worldly culture in what I watch and consume.  To truly put God first by tearing down everything that pulls my heart away from Him.  That has never been an easy road for me, but I have a month's head start here, and I need to take advantage of that.  My time can be far better spent following God's lead in reading, writing, studying, family events, staying physically active, and getting good rest!  This post was a good reminder for me to focus on the journey God has marked out FOR ME without comparing myself to others or being concerned with outside opinions.  "What is that to you?  You follow ME." ~Jesus, John 21:22

Deuteronomy is among my favorite Old Testament books (along with Psalms, Daniel, and Isaiah), so I'm happy to have reached it in my Bible Recap plan this week! ❤  The "in every detail" phrase stood out to me here, along with the instruction to "stay on the path" as you move toward "the land you are about to enter and occupy."  

I LOVE that they did this for the 25-year mark, and would've loved to be in NYC to see it in person - a powerful tribute honoring the victims and their families!

And that's really all for today.

Hope you have a lovely weekend ahead!

❤ ❤ ❤

Calling & Commitment

"Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued.  Never underestimate the power of BEING SEEN - it's exhausting to keep working against yourself when someone truly sees and loves you."  ~Brene Brown

Any fruit that ever comes from my future work in counseling, writing, or speaking, Dr. Burkhart will get some of the credit for it in Heaven.  The ripple effect of his Godly leadership is real, and I am SO GRATEFUL for his choice to really see, invest in, support, and exhort/encourage me.  My talk with him was the pivot point and the main reason I stayed in it when I was ready to leave the CCU Masters program in 2023, and he is now the reason I am surrendering the resistant side of myself to what God has been clarifying by sticking with the CES degree and charting a new course as a Colorado LPCC!

I sent him an email about a week before Mom's wreck explaining my situation and the desire to pursue the Liberty DSL degree... telling him I value his insight and would appreciate hearing any feedback or thoughts he had on that topic.  He did not say one negative word about Liberty (nor would I have expected that).  He said (paraphrased) "Liberty has a fantastic program, and I know they turn out a lot of great leaders...  (intentional pause looking at me...) and unfortunately, I can't hire them to teach here."  (Because a CES degree is a CACREP requirement for counseling professors, not because of anything about Liberty).  And that was the perfect clear, subtle, meaningful thing to say to me in that moment, and he probably knew that.  The rest of our talk that day was also good - he called me out on some of my small self-doubting comments and said he thinks I have a tendency to be very philosophical and think deeply about the things I hear, and he (correctly) thought I may have internalized some wrong ideas about myself related to the counseling profession.  He asked sincerely and wisely whether I loved the content of the Leadership course or the fact that I had a professor who really saw me and appreciated my work, and I answered honestly with both, expounding further on that.  

He told me he will cheer me on and write a very strong letter of recommendation for me if I feel sure this is the new direction where God is leading me, but that he wanted me to take a minute and be certain I am not walking away from counseling because I've made wrong assumptions or agreements that I am not cut out for it based on the fact that the path has been surprisingly difficult.  He said I am trying to bring light into a dark world and bring something functional into a profession that is somewhat broken and dysfunctional, and that is always going to be a hard road, and it's not because I am inadequate or in the wrong place, (but because Kingdom work is opposed).  He said he sees great potential in me to become an author, teacher, and speaker - that he would encourage me to get back on the horse and get my LPC hours if I decide to fight for this degree.  (And he emphasized again that there is no wrong decision here, and he didn't want me to stay in it for the wrong reasons either.)

But honestly, God had already spoken to me on July 28th (the Icy Strait Point whale watch excursion, Alaska cruise).  From that dramatically answered prayer to a series of daily Scripture emails from Chris Caine, it has been an incredibly clear and consistent message to stay the course and finish what I started at CCU, so I am diving back into it and doing my best to be wholehearted, set apart, and tuned into God's leadership in new ways!!  And part of that will include meeting more regularly with Dr. Burkhart to LEARN from him and help keep my vision and sense of identity/calling/commitment on track.  My respect for him is high, and he sees me and believes in me in a unique way that fuels my desire to become everything God intends for me to be!

In other news, re-reading this older post today was fascinating.  I wrote it three days before the appointment where I learned about the fibroids then gradually decided to let go of the embryo adoption dream.  And then, I took a year-long break from counseling and doctoral studies because I felt like I couldn't trust myself to hear clearly from God about anything.  But none of that is quite true.  The enemy was working overtime to kill, steal, and destroy what God was gradually building, but he will not get the last word in this story.  I'm thankful that we serve a God of hope, redemption, and renewal!  And after a year of being "offline" without a muted voice in the counseling realm, God is renewing that dream, and I am re-committing myself to *walk with Him* into a new era there as life moves forward!

(From my post on 9-12-2025:  A couple months back, John Eldredge warned that the enemy would be rolling out a new wave of death and despair... the death of dreams - the  temptation to lose heart, to despair... to give up, let things go, and quietly walk away from our God-given missions and callings.  And rather than cooperating with that by giving up or retreating from the fight (the pull toward that is stronger than usual right now)... our God-given role is to ENGAGE, to push forward, to shine, to be intentional in what God is uniquely calling us to do.

Where our spiritual enemy seeks to bring division, God's people are called to bring UNITY.

Wherever he is bringing death, we pray for and bring LIFE!!

He brings despair... we bring HOPE.

He brings chaos... we bring ORDER.

He brings anxiety... we pursue PEACE.

He pulls us toward sadness... we lean into JOY.

He dehumanizes... we lead with LOVE.

He brings darkness... we shine the LIGHT.

He assaults us with fear... we choose proactive FAITH.

He destroys... we RESTORE.

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(Also an appropriate message on this 25th anniversary of the 9-11 attack.  Jesus is still the light of all mankind, and His life, hope, faith, and love have the final word.)

Thankful Thursday #243

"He who started a good work in you
will be faithful to carry it to completion."
~Philippians 1:6

Today, I am thankful for:

1.  God parting the Red Sea (making a way where the path felt blocked), giving me more clarity, and opening new-but-still-scary doors for me - I am now officially a Colorado LPC Candidate with the ability to potentially counsel CO clients remotely and earn my hours with a more trusted and CCU-aligned supervisor... took their online CO Jurisprudence exam late Tuesday and got approved Wednesday afternoon.  I really cannot begin to tell you how simplified that process felt compared to the painful hoops I had to jump through to get started in Oklahoma.  The doors here have been very stubborn, and the doors in Colorado seem to open quickly for all things counseling-related.  Doing my best to trust God and keep moving forward with wisdom and grace!!  (I wanted this to be a gif with doors sliding open as she walks forward, but alas, ChatGPT would not cooperate. lol)

2. Not quite the type of book I dream of writing down the road, but still fun getting to see my name in print as a chapter co-author for this new textbook (led by Dr. Philip, Director of the CCU PhD program, and among the most Godly women I have the privilege of knowing).  

3.  Joining Dr. Shade Zahrai's "Self Leadership Academy" - I loved her Big Trust book and have come to trust her for solid content, so I'm hoping this will have a Launch-level impact for me!!

4.  Kyndal Faith's love of noodles and corn... and her sense of humor saying "they grow up so fast" when I make presh collages like this one! lol

5.  Jill Lemeiux, who celebrated her 70th Birthday on Tuesday!!  Thankful for their friendship and hope she had a wonderful day!  (Below = a gift Bill hired Rach to make for her from Paris, her all-time favorite dog! lol)

6.  The Jaegers - it's so fun to see Annie loving life as a married woman in this new season!!

7.  Getting to see T-man's new apartment with Mom and help with rearranging his furniture a bit and ordering a few new things!

Also thankful for fun lunch plans with Kristin Michelle this afternoon... I've barely seen her since Mom's wreck, so we have loads to catch up on! (We were planning to hang out and have dinner on August 7th, ironically - she was one of my first calls after finding out about the wreck).  

Anyway, that's all for now.  Happy Thursday!

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