"Communication is about what is received, not what is intended. If there is a gap between what you are saying and what they are hearing, you have to find a new way to say it."
~James Clear
So I recently spoke with a friend from CCU, a mom of seven, answering a few questions about my dating life and my desire to be a mom. As I shared the short version of my story, I realized it was filled with compounded pain and disappointment, and I could feel intense pity coming from her. That response was unsettling for me, but if I'm being honest, I was probably seeing my own self-pity reflected back... rooted in some old beliefs and ungrounded feelings of inferiority due to my singleness and childlessness. There are so many wonderful things God is doing in my life, but I wasn't focusing on that or voicing them clearly, so this reminded me to be more intentional about how I frame my identity and articulate my own story!
My experience this summer also reinforced this idea. Initially, I was prepared to communicate my weight-loss surgery decision in a very defensive and guarded manner, anticipating a judgmental response. That was a blind spot for me, but after a timely conversation with Chet Lee and hearing Mel Robbins' "Drop the Sword" lesson, my perspective changed! When I confidently shared my decision with an expectation of support, I received genuine support and felt greater peace. Conversely, had I publicly shared that original defensive post, I would have likely faced mixed feedback and growing insecurity. Self-protection does us no favors.
God tells us that the power of life and death is in the tongue - and out of the heart, the mouth speaks. Our core beliefs and our word choices matter deeply in how we perceive ourselves and in how we portray God to others. The gap between what I say and what others hear highlights the need to find a better way to communicate. This isn’t about controlling the narrative or protecting my image, but about clearly communicating God's work in my life in an honest way that glorifies Him! *I'm never responsible for how others respond, but I AM very responsible for my beliefs and how I communicate them. Self-pity and low self-worth do not honor God. It's easier said than done, but I want to be so full of Christ's love and confident hope that I naturally view/frame my story as not lacking anything essential. ("No good thing will He withhold from those who walk with integrity.") I want to leave people who care for me feeling hopeful and joyful when I share my story, aligning my heart with Christ's heart for me and ensuring that His redemptive truth shines through, even in darker seasons.
2025 will likely be the year I write and publish my first book, so I'm thinking more deeply about the way I internally narrate my own life. My goal is to write with courage and vulnerability... while emphasizing that any pain and challenges I have faced are the minor themes in my story, where the major themes are deep love, redemptive hope, and growing faith in God's power and abundant goodness!! ❤
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