Faith & Fortitude

Happy Wednesday, my friends!  I just finished a 2-mile jog (5:2 run/walk intervals) around Main Street Norman, and now I'm enjoying my end-of-day small piece of fudge (salted caramel dark chocolate - so freaking good - it's like these attorneys don't know I'm on WW. lol)  Our office is currently full of holiday treats, and I am being mindful and tracking what I eat, so yay for that!  I've also made a new rule for myself that I can't watch TV at home or post anything on FB or Instagram until that day's workouts are completed.  Motivating!  (That doesn't apply to blogging, for the record.)

Okay, on to the real topic for today... this little nod from God popped up on my FB feed as I was in the waiting room this morning.

I had a consultation appointment at OU Reproductive Medicine (backstory here).  Dr. Evans was very kind about my weight loss success, which felt good.  We went over my IUI history, the October hysteroscopy and summer weight loss surgery, and discussed my current options (looking toward summer 2025).  I was given information on the embryo adoption agencies they work with, info on a  fertility testing procedure I could have before trying another IUI, info on this clinic vs. a Tulsa clinic, and an IVF cost sheet ($11k without genetic testing, $14k with it, $700 for anesthesia, then $3500 for the embryo transfer IF there are any viable embryos, which decrease drastically as women age -- and let's not forget the donor sperm, which is $2000 per vial).  Clearly, IVF would be my very best chance of having a biological child.  When I tally up the home studies, profile books, payments to adoption agencies, sperm banks, and past IUIs, I have spent well over $10,000 already...

Financially, physically, and emotionally, the cost is high.  For those whose heart is in it, the (unguaranteed) reward of parenthood is higher.  The same would be true for so much of life as a single mom.

Spiritually, I feel a surprising sense of grace and peace about all of this right now.  I do not have to make this decision today.  God is with me and for me, leading me in big and small ways, and "I will bless the Lord who guides me."  If I were to become pregnant, I have a great support system and there would be so much joy in that news!  If I spend the money and a pregnancy does not pan out (a very real possibility), at least I would know I did everything in my power and I feel the financial security and freedom to take that risk if it's where God is leading.  And if I feel like God is opening other doors and calling me to focus on other things, that will genuinely be okay too.  I firmly believe that God loves me and has good things ahead for me, and that's all I have to know right now.

(This = their bulletin boards as you exit filled with cards and photos from grateful families. I stood there for a while soaking in the joy and hope represented there - I love it!)

This also popped up on my FB feed as I was in the waiting room... Lysa TerKeurst (a very resilient, Godly woman) reminding us that the God who was and is and is to come HAS BEEN faithful, IS CURRENTLY faithful, and WILL BE  faithful!!

That's all for today.  No decision, just the inner fortitude and endurance to carry on with faith in God's goodness, no matter what lies ahead.  I hope this post strengthens your sense of fortitude (courage in pain or adversity) and faith through whatever hard things you might be facing... any areas where life, health, work, family, etc. do not look the way you had  planned/expected.  Keep showing up and doing your best, remembering God's faithfulness in the past and trusting that He loves you and will guide you and has good things ahead!

I wait for the Lord.

I expectantly wait.

And confident in Him, I keep watch.

I will wait with hope and expectancy for the God of my salvation.

My God will hear me.

Do not gloat over me, my enemy.

Each time I fall, I will rise.

And even when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.

(Micah 7:7-8)

❤ ❤ ❤