Doorways, Part 2

There's a scene in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (my fav HP book) where Harry and his friends enter a circular room at the Ministry of Magic... they're surrounded by mysterious identical doors, and when they open and close one, the whole room spins, making it harder to remember which doors they've already tried.  They're on a time crunch with a vague idea of where they want to go, but no idea which door will lead them there.

Yeah, my life feels like that right now.

If my doors were labeled, they might include: Traditional Adoption, IVF, Embryo Adoption, Dating/Marriage, Ph.D., Teach Now/Later, Tulsa Now/Later, Find a Small Group, Write a Book, Reach Goal Weight, Run a Marathon, Private Practice, School Therapist, Intake Therapist, My Own Business.

In the past two months, I have:

• Earned my Master’s degree - yay!
• Started marathon training (so far, so good!)
• Accepted then declined a school counselor job with a $72K salary
• Planned to move to Tulsa, submitted my resignation, then reversed both decisions
• Had tough but supportive conversations around all of it
• Searched extensively for full-time Counselor Candidate jobs with salary/benefits in OKC - surprisingly few options
• Jumped through countless hoops for background checks (with CREOKS, counseling board, doctoral program, adoption home study)
• Submitted my CCU doctoral program application
• Updated my resume and applied to 2 private practices & 4 nonprofit mental health agencies
• Interviewed and got turned down for a virtual intake therapist role (I was unsure about it anyway)
• Met with Dr. Evans (fertility specialist), learned my pregnancy odds (35%), and got an IVF cost sheet - woof!
• Asked a Florida law firm to present my adoption profile book to two expectant mothers
• Updated my embryo adoption profile book
• Considered updating my home study, but held off due to job uncertainty
• Explored candidacy supervisors and clarified what I want/don’t want
• Identified what’s been holding me back in my church search
• Updated my dating app profile, reframed my perspective, and messaged with men from OK, TX, and MO -- more initial interest than usual; zero actual dates yet (#Christianmalepassivityforthewin)
• Attended a free 3-day Tony Robbins webinar; signed up for a paid one in March
• Committed to a 21-day WW health reset (day 12 - scale is stubborn, but I’m staying the course and focusing on taking better care of myself)
• Passed the OLERE exam today -- barely, but still a win!
• Outlined a memoir book with a strong theme and 77 essay-chapter titles
• Caught up on court transcripts while covering extra shifts due to staff shortages

It’s been a whirlwind, but I'm navigating the chaos one door at a time, learning and adjusting as I go!

Doing my best, Jay Shetty.  But I have felt stretched thin... like I'm trying to singlehandedly hold all  of these important doors to my goals open, wondering which one might be most valuable, not wanting to turn my back or close the door on anything that might be central to my purpose.

While thinking about that the other day, this meme popped up on FB:

It was a good and well-timed reminder that it's NOT all on me.  God has given me agency and free will to make decisions, but He also has a path marked out for me and will give me wisdom that will help me to walk in it.  My life will become fruitful and stay on the right course AS I SEEK HIM and ABIDE IN HIM.

God is not the author of fear.

I can walk in His power and love with a clear, sound mind.

Thinking about all of this also led me to re-read my original "Doorways" post (HERE) from 2022 - every word of that post is still encouraging for me today!  (It was written while waiting to take the pregnancy test after IUI #4 before I shared that journey on the blog HERE.)

So today, I am taking a breath and recharching, celebrating the progress I've made and the goals I've already achieved - huzzah!

And I'm leaning into prayer and time with God and sincerely seeking His wisdom.  Reminding myself:  I am not in this alone.  My overarching purpose is to love God wholeheartedly and love others well.  The details of day-to-day purpose and meaning will change and evolve throughout my life, but living with love for God and others will always be central!  And I can accomplish nothing of lasting value apart from Him!! ❤

That about sums it up.  Happy Friday, friends!!  In lighter news, the pic below = my new Simple Modern cup from Tracy Schumacher's firm - so much cuteness - an unexpected fun gift they brought for all the CRs and bailiffs today!  (And my raspberry creatine water and Marla's OLERE study notebook she let me borrow - super helpful!)

May we move forward without fear, trusting God's care and His ability to open the right doors and close the wrong ones in our lives.  Hope you all have a fabulous weekend ahead!

❤ ❤ ❤