Confidence and Adverbs

I mentioned this book in my previous post.  It's full of practical communication advice, and I want to dive deeper on two points that stood out for me!

Jefferson suggests avoiding adverbs to communicate with more strength and clarity.

So, Honestly, Well, Actually, Rarely, Definitely, Clearly, Unfortunately, Sadly, Genuinely, Literally, Hopefully, Usually, Always, Eventually, Finally, Never, Very, Really, Entirely, Obviously, Exactly, Generally, Typically, etc.

I use adverbs ALL THE TIME in speech and in writing... I've definitely caught myself and corrected it multiple times this morning, and it tends to improve my point!  That's something I will continue working on moving forward.

* * * * * * *

He also suggests changing "I believe..." or "I feel..." statements to "I'm confident..."  A simple shift with a big impact.  He says the more you hear yourself say that and the more others hear you say it, the more confident you will feel, and the more others will view you as a confident and competent person.

"I'm confident I can help you with that."  

"Thanks - if I need any help, I'm confident I can come to you."

"I'm confident God is at work here."

Okay, friends... I love you and believe in you,
and I'm confident in your ability to seek and follow God! ❤

Book Bag!

My last book post was February 6th.  I've completed 11 audiobooks since then! lol  Lots of long drives and very long jogs and fun cooking days, etc. (where I prefer listening to podcasts and audiobooks).  The HP book in this photo represents books 1-6:

1.  Here Be Dragons: Treading the Deep Waters of Motherhood, Mean Girls, and Generational Trauma by Melanie Shankle

Melanie and Sophie are my Enneagram 9 podcast besties.  They're funny and they love Jesus, and they've inspired about 500 random little purchases with their weekly "Five Favorites."  This book is my favorite of Melanie's books I've read so far.  It tells the vulnerable story of her complicated relationship with her Mom, a narcissist with a pattern of emotional abuse.  She eventually set a hard boundary there, and it helped her in parenting her daughter while she was being bullied by a clique of mean girls at school.  It has good advice for people with my conflict-avoidant personality on how to stand your ground and endure the backlash that comes with angering strong personalities, and she points to God as the source of our strength.

Quote:  "Sometimes, the way to get through something difficult is to keep your head up, keep your eyes on God, and walk through it even when you feel as though all you're doing is barely limping along. There are things He wants to forge in us that can be found ONLY along the hardest paths we walk."

2.  The Sacred Romance: Coming Home to the God Who Pursues Your Heart by John Eldredge and Brent Curtis

Finally reading this for the first time - it's Eldredge's first book, written with his best friend at the time who died shortly after it published.  It was a good reminder of the major themes and the minor themes and all the other things I love and respect about John Eldredge's world view.  His books have been a guide on my journey many times, pointing me closer to Jesus!

Quote:  “One of the most poisonous of all Satan’s whispers is simply, “Things will never change.” That lie kills expectation, trapping our heart forever in the present. To keep desire alive and flourishing, we must renew our vision for what lies ahead. Things will not always be like this. Jesus has promised to “make all things new.” Eye has not seen, ear has not heard all that God has in store for his lovers, which does not mean “we have no clue so don’t even try to imagine,” but rather, you cannot outdream God. Desire is kept alive by imagination, the antidote to resignation. We will need imagination, which is to say, we will need hope.”

3.  The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self by Martha Beck

Ironically, my biggest takeaway from this book was the rubber band video, which was indirectly related to The Empowerment Dynamic and Drama Triangle she briefly mentions.  I am not aligned with Beck's theology and worldview and personal values, but I understand and respect how she arrived there.  She's not wrong about how easily we bend and blend to match the culture around us, and her idea of taking an Integrity Cleanse challenge (where you vow not to lie to anyone for a full month, including yourself) is a good one.  I also appreciate her story and her courage in standing against the abuse of power in her former church.

Quote:  “To be in integrity is to be one thing, whole and undivided... The extent to which people will defy nature to serve culture can be truly horrifying... If you don't walk your true path, you don't find your true people.  You end up in places you don't like, learning skills that don't fulfill you, adopting values and customs that feel wrong."

4.  The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More by Jefferson Fisher

Jefferson's first book - I enjoyed it, and I will definitely listen through it again!  And probably seek out specific chapters when I need them.  He has great practical advice on navigating difficult conversations with grace, emotional regulation, and clear communication.  He emphasizes the importance of humility and that our goal should be connection rather than "winning" the argument, and I love that!

Jefferson's rules for better conversations:  "Say it with control.  Say it with confidence.  Say it to connect."

5.  Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy by Sheryl Sanderg

A story of grief and loss and resilience and recovery, recommended by Emily when I told her I'm interested in grief counseling.  I loved and related to Sheryl's grief-induced anger and sharp wit, often toward people who were particularly insensitive or apathetic.  She's a Facebook employee, and parts of her story gave me hope that Mark Zuckerberg has grown in kindness and compassion, which I hope is true.  She goes into a lot of statistics that I believe helped her but didn't feel particularly helpful to me, but I very much appreciated her story and how she and her children moved forward with their grief, and I liked what she said about our ability to build and cultivate resilience!

Quotes:  "I couldn't understand when friends didn't ask me how I was.  I felt invisible, as if I were standing in front of them but they couldn't see me.  When someone shows up with a cast, we immediately inquire, 'What happened?' If your ankle gets shattered, people ask to hear the story.  If your life gets shattered, they don't." 

“We plant the seeds of resilience in the ways we process negative events.  After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that three P's can stunt recovery: (1) personalization - the belief that we are at fault; (2) pervasiveness - the belief that an event will affect all areas of our life; and (3) permanence - the belief that the aftershocks of the event will last forever... Resilience is the strength and speed of our response to adversity - and we can build it.  It isn't about having a backbone. It's about strengthening the muscles around our backbone."

6-11.  Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling (only book 7 remaining - I'm so ready for it!)

Round #7 or 8 for these audiobooks, I would assume... I really dive into the story and adore the characters, and I'm so happy to have these books on the Audible app to accompany me through long drives or walks!  The characters are richly detailed and relatable, and the overarching story itself is epic and full of metaphors that inspire me!!

Best Quote in the Half-Blood Prince:  “He understood at last what Dumbledore had been trying to tell him.  It was, he thought, the difference between being dragged into the arena to face a battle to the death and walking into the arena with your head held high.  Some people perhaps would say that there was little to choose between the two ways, but Dumbledore knew -- and so do I, thought Harry, with a rush of fierce pride, and so did my parents -- that there was all the difference in the world!” 

YES, J.K. Rowling!!!  Let's freaking go!  That's from the very end of Chapter 23 in book 6.  (Fun fact - my favorite chapter in book 6 is The White Tomb - I can't get through that one or Christmas on the Closed Ward or Beyond the Veil in book 5 without crying.)  Kristin finished the HP books last year and didn't mention it until one of our dinners this year - possibly bc she knew my excitement level would be extra! lolol  I was super thrilled to hear that and asked which book was her favorite.  She said she enjoyed them all, but she didn't really have a favorite...

Me, unironically:  "Yeah, I get that... they're all really good, and J.K. Rowling is just brilliant!  ...My favorites in order of preference are 573-1642!!  It used to be 1462, but book 6 has grown on me."  Lol true story.

That's all for today, gang!

❤ ❤ ❤

Breakthrough Books

 Happy Thursday!  

It's been a great season for reading, so here are the latest book recaps/lessons:

Currently listening to this gem again... a beginning of the year tradition for me!

"The seed of every habit is a single, tiny decision.  But as that decision is repeated, a habit sprouts and grows stronger, roots entrench themselves, and branches grow.  The task of breaking a bad habit is like uprooting a powerful oak within us.  And the task of building a good habit is like cultivating a delicate flower one day at a time."  

The metaphor there is SO ON POINT - I want to uproot the bad trees and cultivate the good until it grows and becomes a strong tree.  Working on all of the above.  Thanks to James Clear for the very practical tools and advice offered here!

Other audiobooks I've completed lately:

1.  The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins

Love "my friend, Mel" and so appreciate her practicality and ability to make an audiobook feel  as conversational and natural as a podcast!  "Let them" is my theme for 2025, and this book helped me to further wire in the empowering message of focusing on what is truly in my control and letting go of all that is not.

Fav Chapter Title:  “People Only Change When They Want To" 

2.  Body Kindness by Rebecca Scritchfield

Recommended by Emily (my counselor).  Really enjoyed this one - the author strikes a great balance between the anarchy mindset of the Anti-Diet book I read last year and the hyper-detailed rules of the Good Energy approach.  The focus is on making decisions (with food, exercise, sleep, stress, and other habits) that allow you to feel more peace and take better care of yourself long-term.  Seems really obvious, but it's definitely helping me to approach health goals from that perspective!

Fav quote:  “You give yourself something to rebel against every time you lay down an inflexible, moral law... The power of choice is a freedom our minds don't give up easily.  Through body kindness, you will develop an internal compass for decision-making based on what's actually helpful (as opposed to 'good' or 'bad'), what you care about most, and the kind of life you want for yourself.  The universal body kindness question asks: Is this helping to create a better life for myself?"

3.  Beyond Anxiety: Curiosity, Creativity, and Finding Your Life's Purpose by Martha Beck

Recommended by Amy S from CCU.  I was halfway through this book and 1/3 of the way through a Mel Robbins podcast with Martha Beck when I connected the dots that she was the author of the book I was listening to! lol  Anyway, this one was good and made me think more deeply about the power of leaning into what interests me and allowing myself to be creative (she argues that creativity is the antidote to anxiety).

Martha Beck Quote:  “My belief is that we can’t just erase anxiety and leave a blank slate; to make our relief permanent we have to replace anxiety with creativity, so the brain is working in a way that doesn’t allow us to fall into anxiety ruts...  As you spark the curiosity and connection that are designed to help you move through the world, you’ll find your anxiety shrinking."

4.  Dinner for Vampires: Life on a Cult TV Show While Also in an Actual Cult by Bethany Joy Lenz

A fascinating true story, and a book that sharply brought back memories from one cultish prayer group and one creepy small group I attended.  It also led me to question my own blind loyalty to certain Christian authors/leaders, realizing I need to be wise and cautious and remind myself that all humans are fallible, always taking the time to weigh things that feel off in my spirit against the Word of God.  The way some churches overlook and/or obliviously promote these groups is problematic, and the way cult leaders target those who are hungry for positive change and a sense of family love and safety is tragic/wicked.

Best Quote:  “There is one indisputable way to identify a cult, one characteristic they all share.  It is not a belief in alien spacecraft or a plentiful supply of Flavor Aid.  It is the notion that anyone who does not agree with the group's beliefs or choices, who expresses concerns, who simply dare to ask questions, is deemed "unsafe."  Every good thing about that person must be subsumed by the fact that they disagree with me, so I can boil down their character into something vilifiable.  For mind control to work, there has to be heroes and villains.  It has to be us versus them.  In a cult, it isn't good enough for you to say, "I love you, but I disagree with you."  You must affirm my choices and beliefs.  Only then can you be considered "safe."  In a cult, safety means agreement.  The irony of course, is that while you are not allowed to have your own opinions about my beliefs, I am allowed to have an opinion about yours.”

❤ ❤ ❤

Full Circle

❤ ❤ ❤

"The current cultural messaging that tells women it's attractive to play dumb and fragile and hope that they're saved by their beauty is incredibly destructive... Let's set a new example for a generation of young women who are watching us closely.  Let's teach them by our example to be women who work hard, who pay attention to their dreams, who give themselves to making the world a better place."  -Shauna Niequist

Seeing my official diploma makes it all feel more real! ❤
Updated Edit:  I learned from Amy that "High Distinction" means I'm in the Top 10% of my class, which is pretty cool!!

Seeing the diploma, my mind quickly went back to the "Beauty for Ashes" post I wrote back in September 2013, the day I received my Bachelor's diploma from SNU... the gaping loss and despair I felt in that season, the sense of brokenness and unworthiness, the way the enemy was at work, the friends who continually showed up and built me back up, the lonnnng road to hope and healing, the strong hope for a redeemed friendship story, and ultimately getting redemption that looked very different from what I had pictured.  I feel ready to tell my story (or collection of stories) with as much grit and unpolished honesty as I can muster, to mine for new ways God will show up and speak to me as I write it all down with fresh perspective, to trust that He will use it all for good in ways I cannot see yet... wish me luck, and pray that I'll put in the work and see it all the way through!!  This is the year for finishing things I started long ago... including but not limited to the full marathon (in April), losing 100 pounds (potentially by my birthday), and writing a book (first full draft ready by September 1st and edits done by Christmas).

"We dilute the beauty of the gospel story when we divorce it from our lives, our worlds, the words and images that God is writing right now on our souls.  There's nothing small or inconsequential about our stories.  If you want your community to be marked by radical honesty, by risky, terrifying, ultimately redemptive truth-telling, you must start telling your truth first.  Don't allow the story of God, the sacred, transforming story of what God does in a human heart, to become flat and lifeless.  If you have been transformed by the grace of God, then you have within you all you need to write your manifesto, your poem, your song, your battle cry, your love letter to a beautiful and broken world.  Your story must be told."
-Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet

Reading Rainbow

1.  Renovation of the Heart: Putting on the Character of Christ by Dallas Willard

Long recommended by John Eldredge, I was happy to finally read a full book by Dallas Willard (the textbook for my Spiritual Formation class).  *This one is  actually a free download on Audible - highly recommend it for anyone seeking to grow in their walk with God!

QUOTE:  “Truly becoming one who wills above all to act with the kingdom of God and to have His kind of goodness… is not as far away as many would suppose... The renovation of the heart, putting on the character of Christ, is the unfailing key.  It will provide for human life all the blessing that money, talent, education, and good fortune in this world cannot begin to supply."

2.  How to Age Disgracefully, a novel by Clare Pooley

A fascinating group of strangers gradually become friends and band together to save their community center.  Another book with rich, multi-generational friendships and quirky plot twists and people who move from victim mentality to standing up for themselves as they develop healthy friendships... yes, please!  Love Clare Pooley and all three of her books thus far!!

QUOTE:  “I prefer my friends to have experience, wisdom, and a few guilty secrets.” ~Daphne

3.  Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Culture in Crisis by J.D. Vance

An enthralling memoir about our Vice President-Elect's difficult childhood and inspiring early adult life (*language warning, for the record).  From being raised in a very dysfunctional family system to joining the Marine Corps (my favorite section - very transformational) to meeting his wife at Yale, a number of factors would indicate that God was preparing him for a leadership role.  His background gives him a well-rounded, calm confidence and a unique ability to relate to people from many walks of life, so I'm praying he can offer discreet wisdom to our more egocentric leaders and be a voice of unity in a divided country.  He is my age, which seems especially crazy, and he has overcome a great deal to be where he is today.  His political trajectory has been rapid, and I hope/pray he continues to grow and learn and move forward with dignity!

QUOTE:  “Though he was a Captain, eight pay grades higher than I was, because of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, there was no ready replacement when he got the ax.  For the next nine months, until my service ended, I would be the Media Relations Officer for one of the largest military bases on the East Coast... We discussed how to build relationships with the press, how to stay on message, how to manage my time.  I got better, and the experience taught me a valuable lesson: that I could do it.  I could speak clearly and confidently with TV cameras shoved in my face.  I could stand in a room with Majors, Colonels, and Generals and hold my own.  I could do a Captain's job, even when I feared I couldn't.  For all of my grandma's efforts, the message had only partially set in before I enlisted.  Surrounding me was another message - that I and the people like me weren't good enough.  That the reason Middletown produced zero Ivy League graduates was some genetic or character defect.  I couldn't possibly see how destructive that mentality was until I escaped it.  The Marine Corps replaced it with something else, something that loathes excuses...  In the Marines, giving it your all was a way of life.  I'm not saying ability doesn't matter.  It certainly helps.  But there is something powerful about realizing that you've undersold yourself - that somehow, your mind confused lack of effort for nobility.  This is why whenever people ask me what I'd most like to change about the white working class, I say: 'The feeling that our choices don't matter.'  The Marine Corps excised that feeling like a surgeon does a tumor." ❤

4.  Good Energy: The Surprising Connection Between Metabolism and Limitless Health by Casey Means, M.D.

Amy from CCU recommended this one.  The author's mother died of pancreatic cancer, and she is writing about the value of healthy lifestyle choices to prevent and reverse medical problems.  Her theology is off, but her health advice is solid and has a lot of heart behind it.  Among other things, this book inspired me to learn about my lab numbers and to purchase and wear a CGM (continual glucose monitor) for a couple of months to learn how specific food choices, stress levels, and sleep schedule affect my blood sugar and how much small changes (like a 5-10 minute post-meal walk) make a positive impact!

Quote:  “I deeply respect doctors, but I want to be very clear on something: at every hospital in the United States, many doctors are doing the wrong things, pushing pills and interventions when an ultra-aggressive stance on diet and behavior would do far more for the patient in front of them.”

5.  How to Grow Your Small Business: A 6-Step Plan to Help Your Business Take Off by Donald Miller

Not super applicable right now, but one that I will definitely come back to if ever I choose to branch out and start my own practice.  I wholeheartedly trust Don's business advice and appreciate that he sets out very clear steps to follow!

QUOTE:  “Until you professionalize your operation, its potential is limited.  The amount of money you make and your ability to have a positive impact on the world will be limited."

6.  Master the Marathon: The Ultimate Training Guide for Women by Ali Nolan

A book by an Olympic female runner for all female runners, beginners and experts alike.  She covers training plans, the importance of nutrition and strength training, avoiding injuries, choosing the best marathon for you, recovering well, and building up your mental resilience.  It was motivating and practical, and it made me feel determined to *finish* this goal I set way back in 2012!

Quote:  “Women shouldn't follow the exact same training regimen as men. We need programs tailored to our bodies - to our unique strengths and weaknesses... My hope is that this book will guide you through the entire marathon process... Give yourself time. This is a process that will affect your whole life and will result in positive change, if you let it."

Thankful for each of these books and what I've learned from them.  And very thankful for Audible making it possible for me to read over 30 books so far this year!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Book Reports

 ❤

1.  Practicing the Way: Be with Jesus, Become like Him, Do as He Did by John Mark Comer

This author comes recommended by Dr. Burkhart and John Eldredge, so I went into it pretty confident it would be good.  It did not disappoint - inviting, poignant, convicting, and theologically solid!

Quote:  “Information alone does not produce transformation. Because knowing something is not the same as doing something, which is still not the same as becoming the kind of person who does something naturally as a byproduct of a transformed inner nature.” ~John Mark Comer

2.  Iona Iverson's Rules for Commuting, a novel by Clare Pooley

A group of strangers riding the same morning train who gradually form rich, multi-generational friendships and support each other through various challenges (like aging, grief, discrimination, divorce, starting over, bullying, toxic relationships, and unrequited love) - absolutely loved it!

Quote:  “You're not past it!  You're not insignificant...  If you give up, they win!  They want us to be small, so we have to stand tall.  They want us to be invisible, so we have to be seen.  They want us to be silent, so we have to be heard.  They want us to surrender, so we have to fight.” ~Emma and Bea

3.  Hello Stranger, a novel by Katherine Center

A story about the aftermath of grief in a family and about first impressions not always being correct.  It also highlights the value of being honest when you're hurting or needing help.

Quote:  “But I guess that’s the great thing about life—it gives you chance after chance to rethink it all. Who you want to be. How you want to live. What really matters... Light matters just as much as darkness. Play matters as much as work, kindness matters as much as cruelty, and hope matters as much as despair. More so, even. Because tragedy is a given, but joy is a choice.”

4.  A Fine Sight to See: Leading Because You Were Made for It by Sophie Hudson

My hilarious podcast friend - yay!  Written for Christian women, this one is empowering, entertaining, and grounded in Biblical truth.

Quote:  “Sometimes our tendency as women is to fix our eyes on our mistakes, our regrets, and our shame with laser-like precision.  And doing that keeps us from moving forward in the ways the Lord has made us to see the world around us, love the people around us, and use our voices for good!” ~"Soph" =)

5.  The Authenticity Project, a novel by Clare Pooley

Easily my favorite read in 2024 - loved all the fascinating twists and colorful characters!  A story about a journal that gets passed around where people write the truths they don't usually say out loud... and several characters who meet and form relationships because of what they chose to share there.  There's an older single woman named Monica who is artistic and loves creating community but fears really being seen, who appears put together and organizes her bookshelves by color, and who writes about her deep desire to become a mom and the inner conflict she feels about wanting that while also feeling pulled to do something bigger with her life.  So obviously, I was hooked early on, and I loved this whole story about the way we view and define ourselves, the image we present when the truth is actually more likable, the weaknesses we dwell on versus the strengths others may see in us, the power of being open to something new, and the beauty of unexpected friendships and growth!!

Quotes:  “Perhaps the compulsion to fill every inch of space was because it made him feel less alone, or because every single object was imbued with memories of happier times, and the objects had proven more reliable than the people... 'All these things, all these memories, they’re just suffocating you, keeping you stuck in the past. You have new friends now, and home is wherever they are. You could buy a new flat and start afresh. Imagine that,’ she said, staring at him intently.”

"How extraordinary that she had been envying Monica’s life, when all the time all Monica wanted was what she took most for granted."

"The truth often isn't pretty. It's not aspirational. It doesn't fit neatly into a little square on Instagram... Surely it would be better to live a messy, flawed, sometimes not very pretty life that was real and honest, than to constantly try to live up to a life of perfection that was actually a sham?"

“Monica, I read something on Instagram the other day. It said, Mother is a verb, not a noun. I think it means there are many ways to mother without actually being one. Look at you and your café. You nurture loads of people every day.”

6.  The Rom-Commers, a novel by Katherine Center

A man and woman who are both quietly grieving different things team up to write a romantic comedy and gradually fall in love.  The dramatic twists felt a bit predictable and overblown to me, but overall, it was a good story, and I always appreciate her Author's Note at the end.

Quote:  “I had a theory that we gravitate toward the stories we need in life. Whatever we are looking for- adventure, excitement, emotion, connection-we turn to stories that help us find it. Whatever questions we’re struggling with- sometimes ones so deep, we don’t even really know we’re asking them- we look for answers in stories.” ~Katherine Center

It's very rare for me to read more fiction than nonfiction, but I needed something more relational and story-focused in this season, and I'm so glad to have found Clare Pooley this year... love her books!!  (To each their own... Clare and Katherine both write good, hopeful stories... however, Katherine's plots revolve around romance and her female characters can be obnoxiously naive, while Claire's plots about unlikely friendships weaving together have been far more interesting and complex, and her characters feel deeper, richer, and more nuanced and believable to me!)

❤ ❤ ❤

Thankful Thursday #205!

"But thank God, who gives us victory
over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ!"
~1 Corinthians 15:57

Today, I am thankful for:

1.  That there is real victory through Jesus... that sin and evil do not get the final word, and that darkness cannot extinguish the light (John 1:4-5).

2.  For Wednesday walks and good, long talks with Kristin Michelle!! ❤

3.  For Sophie's timely new book on leadership, which I have in audio and print format! =)

4.  For this reminder to live with courage and allow some time for good seeds to grow.

5.  For the precious friendship and cuteness of Miss Parker Elizabeth, who proudly told Kyndal (while they were swimming), "Lindsey's my friend!" ❤ 

6.  For our newly-developing Monday night family dinner tradition... and for Rach helping Jace fix his mohawk twice a week for karate class! lol

7.  For Jill, whose birthday we celebrated at Bricktown Brewery on Tuesday!  (This = Bill & Jill after signing the framing on my house a couple years back). =)

Bonus:  Writing this on 9-11, so I'm thinking about good memories in NYC... and thankful for ALL the places where God brings healing, redemption, resilience, and rebuilding - both literally and figuratively!

❤ ❤ ❤

Photo Friday!

Happy Friday!!  Posting a few photos here just to stay caught up.

First things first, I adored this audiobook.  Rented it purely because I loved the name - hadn't heard or read anything else about it - but really connected with the characters and loved their stories!  I hope they make a movie, and I have already put Clare's other books on hold.  Yay for finding a new author I like!

A few more serious memes I've saved lately...

Donald Miller's Hero on a Mission book was the catalyst for me pursuing adoption, moving, and starting graduate school.  Now his Coach Builder book may very well be the catalyst for me finding the courage and developing a legit marketing plan to start my own business!  Love him - wanna befriend him and Betsy - very grateful for his influence in my life!!! ❤

The courthouse closed at noon today - I was confused by that announcement and figured it was just a little extra time for Labor Day weekend, but today it became clear that the Norman traffic is going to be insane for OU's first game day in the SEC!  The courthouse even raised a special flag for it, which cracks me up.  But if it gets me out of work earlier... Boomer!! lol

(Having said that, I'm super psyched about going to OSU's opening football game tomorrow with Dad and Charlene - Go Pokes!!)

P.S.  Grammar reminder - people misuse this one often!

I finally got to see The Forge... I still prefer War Room, but it was pretty good.  I thought it was clever that they made Priscilla Shirer's character a twin with her character in War Room (to have different storylines but incorporate some of the same characters).  Then I thought it was hilarious that Mom and Dad didn't realize they were both played by Priscilla - they didn't even try to hide it with a Hannah Montana style wig!  I found this meme for Mom when she doubted me. lol

My friend Kacie out hiking in Colorado... such a pretty state, and it makes me feel like I could be outdoorsy if I lived there, but that's probably false. lol

Mom asked if I've had any issues with dogs or anything scaring me in my neighborhood or at The Station/Central Park.  I told her I'd never seen a dog off leash... then this fierce little guy came to greet me and Kristin on our walk Wednesday morning (his owner was nearby in the grass feeding a bunch of ducks). lol  All in all, I'm very thankful for relatively safe walking trails where any animals we've encountered have been cute and friendly!!

Annie and Eddie did a 2020 recap this week (they're recapping the past 10 years month by month since it's the 10th anniversary of her podcast) -- I freaking love them and their friendship, so this episode was super fun!

Ben and Leanne got married last week (London Peloton instructors) -- love them, and so happy she is cancer free and they seem to be thriving now! ❤

The FB ad for this inspired me to buy a shave set, mostly because I love that it looks like whipped icing. lol  I'm a pretty easy target for the marketing algorithm.

A few more memes I've saved lately. =)

And now, I'm off to conquer a 20-minute neighborhood walk then have a relaxing night ahead.  I have several September goals, including a TV-free month, so I'm getting all of that in while I can. =)

Anywho, I love you and believe in you, and I hope you enjoy the long weekend ahead!

Changing the Narrative

"Communication is about what is received, not what is intended. If there is a gap between what you are saying and what they are hearing, you have to find a new way to say it."
~James Clear

Happy Saturday, friends and fam, and Happy Half-Birthday to me!! ❤ ;-)  Hard to believe it's already been six months since my 40th birthday (blog HERE).  

So I recently spoke with a friend from CCU, a mom of seven, answering a few questions about my dating life and my desire to be a mom.  As I shared the short version of my story, I realized it was filled with compounded pain and disappointment, and I could feel intense pity coming from her.  That response was unsettling for me, but if I'm being honest, I was probably seeing my own self-pity reflected back... rooted in some old beliefs and ungrounded feelings of inferiority due to my singleness and childlessness.  There are so many wonderful things God is doing in my life, but I wasn't focusing on that or voicing them clearly, so this reminded me to be more intentional about how I frame my identity and articulate my own story!

My experience this summer also reinforced this idea.  Initially, I was prepared to communicate my weight-loss surgery decision in a very defensive and guarded manner, anticipating a judgmental response.  That was a blind spot for me, but after a timely conversation with Chet Lee and hearing Mel Robbins' "Drop the Sword" lesson, my perspective changed!  When I confidently shared my decision with an expectation of support, I received genuine support and felt greater peace.  Conversely, had I publicly shared that original defensive post, I would have likely faced mixed feedback and growing insecurity.  Self-protection does us no favors.

God tells us that the power of life and death is in the tongue - and out of the heart, the mouth speaks.  Our core beliefs and our word choices matter deeply in how we perceive ourselves and in how we portray God to others.  The gap between what I say and what others hear highlights the need to find a better way to communicate.  This isn’t about controlling the narrative or protecting my image, but about clearly communicating God's work in my life in an honest way that glorifies Him!  *I'm never responsible for how others respond, but I AM very responsible for my beliefs and how I communicate them.  Self-pity and low self-worth do not honor God.  It's easier said than done, but I want to be so full of Christ's love and confident hope that I naturally view/frame my story as not lacking anything essential.  ("No good thing will He withhold from those who walk with integrity.")  I want to leave people who care for me feeling hopeful and joyful when I share my story, aligning my heart with Christ's heart for me and ensuring that His redemptive truth shines through, even in darker seasons.

2025 will likely be the year I write and publish my first book, so I'm thinking more deeply about the way I internally narrate my own life.  My goal is to write with courage and vulnerability... while emphasizing that any pain and challenges I have faced are the minor themes in my story, where the major themes are deep love, redemptive hope, and growing faith in God's power and abundant goodness!! ❤

The Latest Books

1.  Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melanie Beattie

"Even if the most important person in your world rejects you, you are still real, and you are still okay... We don’t have to take things so personally. When people with a compulsive disorder do whatever it is they are compelled to do, they are not saying they don’t love you - they are saying they don’t love themselves.”

2.  ADHD is Awesome: A Guide to (Mostly) Thriving with ADHD by Penn and Kim Holderness

Mostly fun and interesting - helpful for people with ADHD (Jaceman enjoyed some of Penn's descriptions) and good for those who want to better support and understand someone with ADHD!

3.  Fighting Shadows: Overcoming 7 Lies That Keep Men From Becoming Fully Alive by Jefferson Bethke and Jon Tyson

Best book I've read this year - highly recommend.  Intended for a male audience, but applied to my life in many areas.  It's about becoming light by overcoming the shadows the blur our view of God: despair, loneliness, futility, apathy, ambition, shame, and lust.

4.  Divine Direction: 7 Decisions That Will Change Your Life by Craig Groeschel

The audiobook should have been read by Craig, but a good and encouraging book overall.

5.  Write Your Story: A Simple Framework to Understand Yourself, Your Story, and Your Purpose in the World by Allison Fallon

Exceptional book for anyone who has a desire to write or better understand their life story - I'll revisit this one and probably take her A Book in Six Months course next January!

6.  It's Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People by Dr. Ramani Durvasula

So good... so many bookmarks and great quotes from this one, and I appreciate her empathy, empowering perspective, and emphasis on letting go of the hope that the narcissist will change.

7.  Anti-Diet: Reclaim Your Time, Money, Well-Being, and Happiness through Intuitive Eating by Christy Harrison

Fantastic deeper look at the problems with diet culture (aka American culture around food) and a healthier approach to life -- revisiting this in 2025, as well!

8.  Think This, Not That: 12 Mindshifts to Break Through Limiting Beliefs and Become Who You Were Born to Be by Dr. Josh Axe

Currently listening to this one and really enjoying it!

9.  Counterfeit Gods: The Empty Promises of Money, Sex, and Power, and the Only Hope That Matters by Timothy Keller

"When people say, 'I know God forgives me, but I can't forgive myself,' they mean that they have failed an idol whose approval is more important to them than God's."

Mic drop.  Love Tim Keller!

Thankful Thursday (192)!

"Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good,

For His steadfast love endures forever!"
~Psalm 107:1

Today, I am thanking God for...

1.  Growing up in a Christian home with parents who provided stability, support, and love... thankful to celebrate Mom and Dad's 43rd Anniversary at BJ's tonight with the fam!!  And thankful for good conversations with the kids about my surgery, trip, and recovery!

Rach made this fun sign for them! ❤

2.  My Internship 2 class on Tuesdays through this summer... some good staffing discussions and feedback with Professor Bienert, Robin, David, Ali, and Kaitlyn!

3.  Grateful the fam got to celebrate with fun pizookies, and grateful that I'm practicing and learning to distinguish physical hunger from visual/mental cravings!  The next six months is going to be a learning curve as I retrain my brain around food and health!

4.  My two new books I started this week (one printed, one audio, both great so far)!

5.  Drinking lunch (chicken broth) at the Bon Broth Bar whilst catching up with the Wilson fam!  (*Also grateful to have the day off work today as Judge is out!)

6.  The gift of my mini-BFFs and niece and nephews...  The great majority of the changes I've made over the past 3+ years were internally motivated by the hope of adoption and motherhood.  I'm uncertain whether that will ever happen, but increasingly confident in God's goodness and power to change things quickly... and I think part of His goodness to me in this season is getting to love and connect with my close friends' and fam's kids, who are very precious to me!  Parker Elizabeth picked out the toy mop and broom to play with (so cute!)... and Tate wrote this note: "What does he like? Chinese hibachi" (with a pic of a bowl with chopsticks and people seated around a hibachi table) - I freaking love it!!

7.  This swim party memory and these pics from this day four years ago... not at all sure what we talked about, but drinking our virgin pina coladas and chatting by the pool that night stands out in my mind as a fun pandemic-year memory!

Thanks for reading!  I love you and I believe in you, and I believe dwelling on the people, experiences, and things you're grateful for will improve your perspective and decrease your stress!!

❤