Confidence and Adverbs

I mentioned this book in my previous post.  It's full of practical communication advice, and I want to dive deeper on two points that stood out for me!

Jefferson suggests avoiding adverbs to communicate with more strength and clarity.

So, Honestly, Well, Actually, Rarely, Definitely, Clearly, Unfortunately, Sadly, Genuinely, Literally, Hopefully, Usually, Always, Eventually, Finally, Never, Very, Really, Entirely, Obviously, Exactly, Generally, Typically, etc.

I use adverbs ALL THE TIME in speech and in writing... I've definitely caught myself and corrected it multiple times this morning, and it tends to improve my point!  That's something I will continue working on moving forward.

* * * * * * *

He also suggests changing "I believe..." or "I feel..." statements to "I'm confident..."  A simple shift with a big impact.  He says the more you hear yourself say that and the more others hear you say it, the more confident you will feel, and the more others will view you as a confident and competent person.

"I'm confident I can help you with that."  

"Thanks - if I need any help, I'm confident I can come to you."

"I'm confident God is at work here."

Okay, friends... I love you and believe in you,
and I'm confident in your ability to seek and follow God! ❤

Catalyst

I've been working on articulating my theoretical orientation and professional identity.... forming a mission statement or a one-sentence way to phrase what I do and what I care about as a counselor.  What I've come up with for now:  I want to serve as a catalyst, empowering people who feel stuck to move forward with hope and purpose.

A catalyst can be any conversation or event that provokes significant change or action.  For me, reading Hero on a Mission, the move to OKC, the May 18 conversation, speaking at Babah's funeral, Launch with Mel Robbins, some of my therapy work with Emily, and other talks with Chet Lee have all been great catalysts for positive change.  The right words at the right time matter deeply.

When people come to therapy, they are typically feeling stuck in some area, but they're also ready for change and feeling hopeful and more receptive to new ideas - good soil, as the parables might phrase it.  I want to speak words of life and hope that encourage and strengthen people to see and step into their God-given power/agency and to create a more compelling vision for their future.  I want to help and empower people who feel stuck --- (in depression, in grief, in bad jobs, in bad relationships, in bad habits or cycles) --- to believe in themselves, to reframe their story, and to take action toward significant change, setting meaningful goals and moving forward with renewed hope!

#goals

Women in abusive relationships who feel stuck there based on toxic theology or bad spiritual counsel are especially high on my list of people I would love to work with and help... I've been reading about how couples counseling is often counterproductive and sometimes puts abused women in more danger, and with all that is in me, I want to protect their hearts and help them GET OUT and BE FREE.  So we'll see where that leads or whether that's part of God's future purpose for me.

I also love to focus on holistic healing -- ie the brilliant way God designed our minds, bodies, souls, and spirits to work together, so focusing on healing and making progress in all four areas.  And I want to heavily emphasize grace -- for ourselves and for others, not expecting too much or letting perfectionism paralyze us, trusting that there will always be enough grace when we take life one day at a time.  But all of that doesn't fit neatly into one sentence.  So when I need to really boil it down and clearly articulate my calling and work as a counselor, I'm going with "My passion is empowering people who feel stuck to move forward with hope and purpose!!" ❤

Wandering Wednesday

This post holds some rambling thoughts - just go with it. lol

What a gift this week has been.  Having a holiday fall on my birthday, then two unexpected days off thanks to the icy roads and below-freezing temps.  I actually got ready for work both days... started the drive yesterday morning and my car spun a bit in my neighborhood, then I texted Judge that I was taking the day off since nothing needed a record.  They ended up closing the courthouse at 11am.  Today, they opened at noon for reasons unknown, but our afternoon hearing was continued, so Judge told me not to worry about coming in.  Gift!!  I'm very grateful for a little extra downtime and rest, along with the brownies I baked yesterday, because snow days just call for baking! lol

Currently blogging and watching About Time -- so many poignant lines that make you think about what matters most in life -- a total treasure ever since I sobbed my way through the ending in theaters in November 2013. ❤

Anyway, here's a few pics from my birthday dinner with the fam on Monday -- we went to Ted's and had bundtinis for dessert to celebrate our February birthdays (me, Jace Michael, and Rach)!

Rachael made me this heartfelt card - makes me laugh that this is a real verse! lol

The fam. ❤

Jaceman making me laugh with the eyebrow action! lol

Miss K finally updated her FB profile pic to this one from a volleyball tournament.  Still not a face-forward smiling pic, but better than the shadowy one she had before. lol

Making some major progress in my own therapy lately -- really taking the time to do the homework matters.  And yes to being gentle with ourselves.

I kinda feel this one right now. lol

Tate Haywood after losing two teeth last week... he apparently lost the remaining top front tooth today! =)

Three of my favorite men in the world.  And baby Henry, who I'm confident will grow to be a great man in his time! ❤

Melanie's new book released yesterday.  I'm about 75% of the way through the audiobook already, and it's been excellent -- it's her story of growing up with an abusive, narcissistic mother and eventually finding healing and setting difficult boundaries as an adult, then raising a wonderful, strong daughter -- I love her and her whole family more than you would think I could having never met them in person!  Yay, Caroline and Melanie and Perry!!

Well, this is 41.  It's off to a slightly painful and slow beginning, but I am getting back up, and I'm believing it will be a beautiful year ahead!  Do I have loads of unresolved questions about what the future holds?  Yes, but that is not unique to me.  And what I do know is that God is good and He sees me and cares about me, AND although life has knocked me down sometimes, I'm resilient, I am not alone, I am loved, God is never giving up on me, and I am not giving up on myself or on God and His good plan for me.  I will keep adapting and learning and growing and moving forward.  From my birthday to today, I have had a few important conversations with friends, I've accepted an invitation to interview for CCU's doctoral program on March 7th, I've interviewed for a therapist job and accepted a second interview for Friday, I've done several at-home workouts to stay on track with my training, I've given online dating another shot, and I've worked out a few mini-goals for the coming months....

Tomorrow will be 78 days away from my CCU graduation ceremony, and I will be starting "75 Soft" - with 3 days off thrown in there.  It obviously won't all be perfect, but I want to feel proud of this chart when I hit graduation day. For the sake of accountability, my five areas of focus will be: 

• Healthy eating and tracking (2 protein shakes + veggies daily and staying in my weekly points range - focusing on building consistent patterns)
• Drinking more water (6 bottles a day - doable, but it requires more intentionality and focus post-surgery)
• Continuing the marathon training workout schedule (which definitely ramps up here in the second half)
• Averaging 10 pages a day of a real live actual book (I have two that don't come in audiobook format that I would love to finish)
• Online dating - either messaging with someone (hopefully) or liking 2 new profiles daily, any online dating site -- (sticking with that for 75 days may feel like the biggest challenge here, but I'm doing my very best not to personalize things too early and perceive rejection that isn't there AND to lean into the worthy-of-love identity I want to build up rather than the unchosen/potentially unworthy identity I've become too familiar with)

In all of life, honestly, I want to focus on the new identity I desire to build rather than the old story I want to release... allowing God to bring more healing and trusting Him to do something brand new (2 Corinthians 5:17)!  I feel this deeply, and I'll probably write more on it later, but I want to get serious about abiding in Christ and becoming more whole and holy through God's love (Ephesians 1:4).  ❤

Okay, shifting gears, today's 3-mile Wednesday walk was not quite as fun as walking with Kristin at The Station!  I used my lovely walking pad along with an actual walker for handrails (with weights in front of it to keep it from moving). lol  I so feel like I'm going to fall if there's nothing to hold on to - this was a random makeshift fix idea from a Peloton FB group, but it worked, so that's a Wednesday win!

This post is full of randomness!!  Conclusion:  This 2-day work week feels like a lovely birth-week blessing! =)  I am getting back up and doing my best to press into the abundant life God designed for me.  I'm determined to show up and do the work that needs to be done, confident that God has good things in store!  I love and value you, and I believe God also has good things in store for you as you show up and do the work that needs to be done!! ❤

Know your worth.  Show up.  Do the work.
❤❤❤

Marathon Monday #8

Happy Monday!  It was a good weekend and a very solid beginning to what tends to be my favorite month.  Lovely weather outside, multiple birthday celebrations, fun people and fun pictures, feeling proud of my food choices and tracking, and conquering 12 miles (at a 15:1 run/walk interval ratio).  Less than halfway to the full marathon goal, but it was my longest training run so far and the most I've jogged in one day since 2010, so I feel proud and grateful, and I'm celebrating that progress!

I felt great through most of this weekend's long run, and I know that is due in part to having a week of choosing better foods... prioritizing protein (2 shakes and sometimes bars), vitamins, collagen, creatine, and getting at least a little fruit and veggies every day!  Little by little, I am starting to see myself differently and believe that lasting change is possible.  I can tell the difference when I'm in a peak state mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, and I plan to keep pressing into that.

#MarathonMonday #Week8 #ProgressoverPerfection

❤ ❤ ❤

Marathon Monday #7

"Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay.  We should like to skip the intermediate stages.  We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new.  And yet it is the law of all progress that it is made by passing through some stages of instability - and that it may take a very long time...

And so I think it is with you; your ideas mature gradually - let them grow, let them shape themselves, without undue haste.  Don't try to force them on, as though you could be today what time (that is to say, grace and circumstances acting on your own good will) will make of you tomorrow.  Only God could say what this new spirit gradually forming within you will be.  Give our Lord the benefit of believing that His hand is leading you, and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete."

~Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

❤❤❤
^ So encouraging and timely!

  

Let's move forward in our God-given power,
walking in steadfast love and clarity,
and trusting in the slow work of God!!

Full Circle

❤ ❤ ❤

"The current cultural messaging that tells women it's attractive to play dumb and fragile and hope that they're saved by their beauty is incredibly destructive... Let's set a new example for a generation of young women who are watching us closely.  Let's teach them by our example to be women who work hard, who pay attention to their dreams, who give themselves to making the world a better place."  -Shauna Niequist

Seeing my official diploma makes it all feel more real! ❤
Updated Edit:  I learned from Amy that "High Distinction" means I'm in the Top 10% of my class, which is pretty cool!!

Seeing the diploma, my mind quickly went back to the "Beauty for Ashes" post I wrote back in September 2013, the day I received my Bachelor's diploma from SNU... the gaping loss and despair I felt in that season, the sense of brokenness and unworthiness, the way the enemy was at work, the friends who continually showed up and built me back up, the lonnnng road to hope and healing, the strong hope for a redeemed friendship story, and ultimately getting redemption that looked very different from what I had pictured.  I feel ready to tell my story (or collection of stories) with as much grit and unpolished honesty as I can muster, to mine for new ways God will show up and speak to me as I write it all down with fresh perspective, to trust that He will use it all for good in ways I cannot see yet... wish me luck, and pray that I'll put in the work and see it all the way through!!  This is the year for finishing things I started long ago... including but not limited to the full marathon (in April), losing 100 pounds (potentially by my birthday), and writing a book (first full draft ready by September 1st and edits done by Christmas).

"We dilute the beauty of the gospel story when we divorce it from our lives, our worlds, the words and images that God is writing right now on our souls.  There's nothing small or inconsequential about our stories.  If you want your community to be marked by radical honesty, by risky, terrifying, ultimately redemptive truth-telling, you must start telling your truth first.  Don't allow the story of God, the sacred, transforming story of what God does in a human heart, to become flat and lifeless.  If you have been transformed by the grace of God, then you have within you all you need to write your manifesto, your poem, your song, your battle cry, your love letter to a beautiful and broken world.  Your story must be told."
-Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet

Marathon Monday #5!

Happy Monday, friends and fam... hope your week is off to a good start!

A month ago (12-12-24), I interviewed for an Intake Therapist job at CREOKS.  They mentioned offering higher pay for a school-based therapist position, a solid option where I could continue working with Marla.  Since that day, I've finished grad school, hosted Christmas events, passed several background checks, accepted the job and announced the move, completed numerous onboarding documents with CREOKS, looked at homes in Tulsa, met with my OKC realtor, and connected with a potential candidacy supervisor.  Some fast-paced movement and chaos, but life always seems to slow down a bit in January - enough to hear the whispers over the whirlwind!  Having some extra time to reflect, pray, and process lately has helped me realize I don’t have God-given peace about moving for this job, as much as I wish I did...

Initially, I felt excited and believed God was opening these doors, but my own lack of inner peace + outside factors not lining up + good conversations with Chet Lee, Mom, Rach, and Kristin... along with John Eldredge’s recent warnings on guarding against deception in big life decisions, have gradually clarified that this isn’t the right path for me in this season.  I dread walking back a commitment I made publicly, especially since part of me still feels drawn to Tulsa and hesitant to let a good job opportunity go.  But when I slow down enough to be honest with myself and God, a number of factors point to the timing being off, and this role does not align well with my heart and calling.  (I am capable of growing and learning new things, but I can do nothing apart from Jesus, so I need to feel certain that He is in it with me!)  My passion is for deeper conversations and bringing light into darkness for adult clients, not full-time work with young kids and their families - the area where I consistently felt least competent and most easily exhausted/overwhelmed through my internships.

Chet had some great insight and reminded me that I'm in a good position to trust God's timing and wait for the right opportunity without rushing or giving in to pressure that's not from God.  I cannot say with any clarity what that will mean for my career moving forward, but I sincerely believe my time living closer to my family is unfinished.  By stepping back from this move and not racing into something I don't have peace about, I’m choosing faith and trusting God to open the right doors in His time...

Moving back into the unknown feels a bit deflating and sad, and I naturally worry about what others will think, which makes it harder for me to change course and admit that I initially missed God’s direction here - but I can see that embracing humility is also a rescue from something that could have been MUCH harder on me in the long run.  And my focus needs to be re-centered on pleasing God and moving in alignment with Him!  (Part of why “let them” is my theme for 2025:  Let others think whatever they will; Let me follow God wholeheartedly.)

* * * * * * *

On a related note, I completed 10 miles of training this weekend... a 4-mile walk on Sunday and 6 miles of mostly jogging at Lake Hefner on Saturday!  I am rocking the training workouts and getting better at pacing myself, but my eating habits are out of alignment with my health goals, so I am actively remedying that now!

My decision not to move means facing a couple of difficult conversations today - so far, I'm forcing myself to step up and they've gone better than expected.  And I'm gently reminding myself that my closest people will fully support me in this, and my decision won't significantly impact anyone else's daily life, AND no one is thinking about me as much as I might imagine they are... (this "people aren't thinking about you the way you're thinking about you" scene has genuinely helped me several times. lol)

❤

Sooo...

Deep breaths.

We can do hard things.

No one is doing life perfectly.

We are all figuring things out as we go!

Living in alignment with our values and goals matters.

God is with us and for us, caring enough to rescue us when we get off track!

I'm thankful for realignment with God's better pacing... and grateful for His grace and the timing of the quiet snow days last week.

I love you and believe in you, and I believe in your ability to make choices in alignment with God's best plan for your life!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Epiphany on Epiphany

Today is January 6th, the Christian holiday of Epiphany that marks the official end of the Christmas season.  Epiphany is defined as "the manifestation of Christ to the Gentiles [as represented by the three wise men]" and/or "a moment of sudden revelation or insight."

I had a counseling session with Emily tonight.  It took a while for me to get there, but I had a personal epiphany moment of God-given insight on this official day of Epiphany, so that feels worth blogging about.  (I'll do an NYC trip recap tomorrow, but that will take much longer to write.)

Twice in my life, my grandmother made a negative comment about me to someone else that I overheard, then it stuck with me and grew like an infection.  In her defense, neither comment was intended for my ears.  And to the credit of our clever spiritual enemy, that sense of secrecy added an extra layer of shame and made her words feel truer and sharper so that they created a much deeper cut.

*Praying God will help me to be more careful and thoughtful with my words. 
He isn't kidding when He says "the tongue holds the power of life and death."
....That wasn't the epiphany - just something I've been thinking about lately.

Emily and I were discussing my future career path, and I mentioned looking into jobs here and not feeling sure about the idea of working with kids.  She asked what was creating that sense of doubt for me, and I had a long rambling answer, during which I quickly mentioned that part of it stemmed from an offhand comment Babah made 20+ years ago telling someone I'm not good with kids.  Emily's strong reaction and follow-up questions made it clear that she knew it was more important than I was letting on... which I appreciated.

She asked whether my desire to be a mom was present before that comment (yes) and whether I ever believed I was not good with kids before that (no)... and she said she could see it being a huge invisible barrier that's been holding me back internally, adding, "When you break through it and that barrier dissolves and disintegrates, I feel like you'll be unstoppable and motherhood is waiting for you."

Being the Marvel movie fan I am, I pictured a thick barrier wall and the Thanos-snap-style disintegration... and my mind went to this Captain Marvel scene (how could it not!?)

To be extra clear, I'm keeping this blog somewhat vague and brief, but I feel this profoundly.  I don't know all that God has in store, and I'm not taking this as any sort of promise from Him that I'll become a mom.  But I AM taking seriously the responsibility to heal and be free from labels that are not aligned with God's viewpoint and design for me.  It matters, and it's time for those old labels to dissolve and disintegrate whilst I put on new labels and continue to grow in seeing myself in a brand new way.  Here's to the power of reinvention, letting go of the old and actively putting on the new!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Faith & Fortitude

Happy Wednesday, my friends!  I just finished a 2-mile jog (5:2 run/walk intervals) around Main Street Norman, and now I'm enjoying my end-of-day small piece of fudge (salted caramel dark chocolate - so freaking good - it's like these attorneys don't know I'm on WW. lol)  Our office is currently full of holiday treats, and I am being mindful and tracking what I eat, so yay for that!  I've also made a new rule for myself that I can't watch TV at home or post anything on FB or Instagram until that day's workouts are completed.  Motivating!  (That doesn't apply to blogging, for the record.)

Okay, on to the real topic for today... this little nod from God popped up on my FB feed as I was in the waiting room this morning.

I had a consultation appointment at OU Reproductive Medicine (backstory here).  Dr. Evans was very kind about my weight loss success, which felt good.  We went over my IUI history, the October hysteroscopy and summer weight loss surgery, and discussed my current options (looking toward summer 2025).  I was given information on the embryo adoption agencies they work with, info on a  fertility testing procedure I could have before trying another IUI, info on this clinic vs. a Tulsa clinic, and an IVF cost sheet ($11k without genetic testing, $14k with it, $700 for anesthesia, then $3500 for the embryo transfer IF there are any viable embryos, which decrease drastically as women age -- and let's not forget the donor sperm, which is $2000 per vial).  Clearly, IVF would be my very best chance of having a biological child.  When I tally up the home studies, profile books, payments to adoption agencies, sperm banks, and past IUIs, I have spent well over $10,000 already...

Financially, physically, and emotionally, the cost is high.  For those whose heart is in it, the (unguaranteed) reward of parenthood is higher.  The same would be true for so much of life as a single mom.

Spiritually, I feel a surprising sense of grace and peace about all of this right now.  I do not have to make this decision today.  God is with me and for me, leading me in big and small ways, and "I will bless the Lord who guides me."  If I were to become pregnant, I have a great support system and there would be so much joy in that news!  If I spend the money and a pregnancy does not pan out (a very real possibility), at least I would know I did everything in my power and I feel the financial security and freedom to take that risk if it's where God is leading.  And if I feel like God is opening other doors and calling me to focus on other things, that will genuinely be okay too.  I firmly believe that God loves me and has good things ahead for me, and that's all I have to know right now.

(This = their bulletin boards as you exit filled with cards and photos from grateful families. I stood there for a while soaking in the joy and hope represented there - I love it!)

This also popped up on my FB feed as I was in the waiting room... Lysa TerKeurst (a very resilient, Godly woman) reminding us that the God who was and is and is to come HAS BEEN faithful, IS CURRENTLY faithful, and WILL BE  faithful!!

That's all for today.  No decision, just the inner fortitude and endurance to carry on with faith in God's goodness, no matter what lies ahead.  I hope this post strengthens your sense of fortitude (courage in pain or adversity) and faith through whatever hard things you might be facing... any areas where life, health, work, family, etc. do not look the way you had  planned/expected.  Keep showing up and doing your best, remembering God's faithfulness in the past and trusting that He loves you and will guide you and has good things ahead!

I wait for the Lord.

I expectantly wait.

And confident in Him, I keep watch.

I will wait with hope and expectancy for the God of my salvation.

My God will hear me.

Do not gloat over me, my enemy.

Each time I fall, I will rise.

And even when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.

(Micah 7:7-8)

❤ ❤ ❤

Six Months Later...

❤ December 7, 2024 ❤

Good morning, dearest friends and family!!

Saturday marked six months since my gastric sleeve surgery at Blossom Bariatrics in Vegas.  It's been an incredible, transformative season for me, inside and out!  Today, my heart overflows with gratitude and determination... weight loss surgery has given me the gift of an amazing jump start.  More importantly, it offered RENEWED HOPE that real, lasting change is possible.  After years of struggle, I now feel empowered to pursue and maintain a healthier lifestyle, grounded in a growing sense of purpose. ❤

Progress Update:

• I’m down 90 pounds from my highest weight ever, over 70 pounds since this summer, and within 40 pounds of my goal weight range!
• No more blood pressure meds, better lab results, and increased energy and endurance!!
• Improved emotional balance as the initial hormonal changes have stabilized!
• More confidence and a desire to take better care of myself in several areas!

I chose the safest and least invasive surgical option, which means my weight loss is slower than it might have been with other surgeries.  My body still fully absorbs all the calories and nutrients of everything I eat (which is part of why I'm not struggling with vitamin deficiencies, major hair loss, malabsorption, etc.).  I am really happy with that decision, while being aware that it puts more responsibility on me to continue and maintain my progress as I move forward!

Six months down, the rest of my life to go...

Challenges and Growth:  As my body adjusts (the newly smaller stomach naturally relaxes a bit by the six-month mark), it’s time to get more serious about consistent, wise food choices.  I'm aware that protein and veggies fuel me best and keep me feeling full, while sugary treats and processed carbs digest quickly and cause cravings.  Old habits are hard to break, but not impossible - so much of it lies in where our identity is rooted.  One thing I'm actively struggling with is having a little too much grace for myself and thinking of 'eating whatever I want' as the best way to really enjoy my life, especially around vacations and holidays.  Having a more limited portion size can make it feel more tempting to snack around and have "just a little" of ALL the things I want... but those calories add up, and it all impacts my blood sugar and mood and energy levels, so it's important for me to use wisdom and remember that there are other ways to reward myself (like buying smaller clothes, for example)!  For more than one reason, I am embracing the WW app for some extra accountability moving forward.

Especially in the first three months post-op, the physical changes were rapid and my mind and heart were struggling to catch up - LOTS of strong emotions and long-held fears were bubbling up to the surface.  I'm thankful for my counseling sessions with Emily, having a place where I've felt safe to process the past shame, emotional shifts, and unique life changes that accompany my story.  At this point, things feel much more balanced, and God is healing/transforming my thoughts to align with this healthier new identity.  I feel increasing clarity about what I want my health patterns to look like moving forward - I am not exactly where I was hoping to be by this particular milestone, but I have plenty to celebrate today!!  I finished my 5th Half Marathon, I'm on a good health trajectory, and I'm close enough to believe with confidence that my weight and health goals are now within my reach - that hope is not a small thing!  I'm deeply grateful to be stepping into a happier and healthier identity - mind, body, soul, and spirit! ❤

Looking Ahead:  I’m excited to begin training for my first Full Marathon soon, a long-term goal that I feel ready to conquer now!  I plan to document and share that journey - I'll get into those details in a later post, but I've decided to use the WW app paired with the Apple Watch activity tracking to ensure that I stay in the right food range as I'm training.  It's a simple and familiar tool that feels helpful and aligns well with my goals right now (prioritizing protein and healthier foods + enjoying all foods mindfully while keeping smart boundaries + adjusting my food intake according to my activity level).  This new season is about consistency, discipline, and embracing the identity of being an athlete in training!!

*On a personal note, the doctors recommend that you wait at least a year to try for a pregnancy after weight loss surgery... so it helps to redirect my energy and focus toward Marathon training and career transition in the meantime.  I am prayerfully considering pursuing another IUI or embryo adoption plan next summer - staying tuned in and awaiting God's direction.  Either way, I am grateful to prepare my body and spirit for whatever motherhood might look like in His timing!

Reflections:  This health journey is gradually reshaping the way I see myself, which is a huge blessing and the only way my progress will last.  Amy took professional photos for our CCU Roomies group yesterday, and it was such perfect timing to celebrate this six-month milestone and our 2.5 years in graduate school coming to a close!  I feel healthier, more vibrant, and ready to step into a new season as a Licensed Professional Counselor Candidate in 2025.  I'm glad I chose to be vulnerable and share this publicly, and I'm deeply grateful for all the support, encouragement, and accountability I’ve received from family and friends!  Progress has slowed down, but the surgery was a solid choice and has been very successful for me... and it's now up to me to make the most of this jump start and reignited hope as I move forward with building a meaningful life. ❤

*THANK YOU again to Chet Lee for sparking this life-changing journey and for being an exceptional friend and support along the way!

We are valuable, loved by God, and worthy of love at every size, period.
Taking better care of ourselves enhances the life God created us to live!

Hopeful Reminder: A lot can change in a year.  Especially when we embrace outside help/support, shift our perspective, and choose to believe in ourselves!

With deep gratitude and fierce determination,

❤ Lindsey Claire

Humility and Hope

John Eldredge sends a video by email every Friday morning.  Today, he talked about the coming elections - how they are consequential and contentious - and how God's people would do well to center our hearts in His care and pray the following verse...

I appreciated that reminder, so I wanted to share it with you.

I recently updated my FB cover photo to this verse where God encourages us to be still and remember that He is in control, and He will be honored and exalted.  No matter what happens next month, our ultimate HOPE is secure in Christ.  It's the safest place for our hearts.

As far as the coming election goes, I voted via absentee ballot a couple weeks ago.  I won't get into specific opinions here, but I am grateful for important conversations with wise friends, growing insight, a VP candidate I believe in, and feeling more peace and hope than I have in the past few election cycles.  (Ironically, trusting God is often easier for me in massive, globally-important matters than it is in personal matters.)

Praying for God's people to take sin seriously and repent and seek Him wholeheartedly, which is what He very clearly asks us to do in order to receive His healing in our nation (2 Chronicles 7:14).  God knows all hearts, and He will not be blaming those who are lost or holding them accountable for national corruption and failure.  Also praying for the personal wisdom not to engage in foolish arguments that go nowhere, and that I would feel more resilient and supported and heard and less isolated and defensive and dismissed than I have in past years.

Another good reminder:

I fully understand how exhausting, divisive, and triggering political conversations can be... often getting into vitriol, belittling, bullying, and dehumanizing the opposing side.  It's never okay.  As Christians, let's strive to remember that people spanning the wide range of the political spectrum matter to God, are created in His image with inherent dignity, worth, and value, and have valid concerns and a personal background that informs their unique political views and opinions.  Word choices matter.  Character matters - (in our leaders, but also in our personal lives).  And respect and humility go a verrry long way.

So wherever you may stand on that spectrum, I love you and believe in you, and God does too.  Praying for His will to be done here on earth as it is in Heaven!

❤ ❤ ❤

On Being Human

So I passed the National Counselor Exam yesterday. ❤

"Mini-wave in celebration of me!!" (-Chandler Bing)

This is the counseling equivalent of a lawyer passing the Bar exam, and I passed with a great score on the NCE (required to move toward the LPC licensure) and the CPCE (required to graduate CCU).  Still, I didn't feel as excited as I'd expected.  I'm feeling uncertainty about what is ahead, fear of failure, and a sense of confusion and isolation in figuring all of this out.

So I'm taking a minute here to separate the light from the dark -- to remind myself that I have an enemy who loves to destroy important milestones... and that God has given me a sound mind and power and self-control, not a spirit of fear.  I am not on my own - God is with me, and He has a plan mapped out, and He knows how to prosper me and give me hope and a future.  

I despise feeling messy, and I have been unfairly frustrated with myself for how emotionally messy this year has been.  So I'm reminding myself today that life is messy - being human is messy and hard and humbling and complicated - no one gets out unscathed.  It's completely normal to have ups and downs and for our motivation and confidence to ebb and flow.  Habit change, emotional regulation, and genuinely changing the way we view ourselves... these things are challenging for everyone with a sincere desire to improve!!  They are *not* impossible, and "the hard is what makes it great."  It's okay to be misunderstood, to not have it all together, to have layered emotions and a complex backstory.  We are not helpless or hopeless, and it's okay/expected that change is not easy or natural.  I am human and imperfect, and there is abundant grace for that.  There is forgiveness and mercy to cover my sin and selfish choices and trauma responses and defense mechanisms.  God knows me well and loves me anyway.  I am safe.  God has not given up on me, and He knows that whatever progress I make here will be partial and incomplete... I will never arrive at perfection this side of heaven, and that's actually a comforting thought for me right now.  Releasing the pressure and perfectionism, drawing near to God, and acknowledging and holding onto good progress.

Time for moving forward, editing how I see myself, upgrading and expanding my identity to allow for more hope and change!

In summary, it's okay to be human.  In case no one else tells you today, let me remind you that I love you and I believe in you.  And I believe that however messy and imperfect things may feel today, our choices matter, and there is more beauty and goodness ahead for us! ❤

❤ ❤ ❤