Family Fun on the 4th!!

❤❤❤

It made me happy that Kyndal texted me for fashion advice... preshface! =)

Pic with K and Rach + pre-swim selfie in my happy new sunglasses + flag pic from my neighborhood walk!

Ashley and Miles came for this one, so several people got to meet him for the first time!  He's really sweet and seemed to have fun, and we had a lovely 15-minute swim before others arrived. lol  Stupid rain and lightning!!

Gene asked me to take this pic - he was so proud and happy about Amelia warming up to him! lol  Then it's Ashley and Miles + Hilary and Amelia doing sparklers on the right!

Rach and the kids doing some kind of sword firecracker... Jace was a fan!

Swim time... Amelia was so happy about getting to jump in the pool with them, and they all quickly became friends there! lol

Miss K helping Mom prepare the corn (her favorite of all the foods we had there)... and Georgia's sugar cookies (very possibly my favorite of all the foods there)!

A group cannonball effort to push extra water out of the pool (someone is coming to fix it soon, but Mom and Dad's pool is absurdly full).  Also, T-man's high jump is impressive!

Three generations were represented well -- the originals, the cousins, and the kids! ❤

Sitting at the kitchen chatting with Charlene and Nancy... it made me happy to look out and see Mom sitting on the porch watching the kids and chatting with Jace. =)  The bottom pic = the Parrishes doing sparklers!

Recreating a 2015 pic, just for fun!

Watching the awesome Tinker fireworks show whilst Mom played Whitney's Star-Spangled Banner for us! lol

On that note, I'm thankful for FREEDOM today... thankful that God cares about freedom on the national and global levels... but also on the most personal levels.  He sets captives free, literally and physically... as well as liberating us spiritually from entangling sins, and He gives us eternal freedom from the "bondage to death and decay!" 

Today marks the one-year anniversary since Jon Foster's heart attack last year... please be praying for their family, as anniversaries can obviously bring up emotions and memories on both sides of the spectrum.  I'm praying for abundant life and full restoration of everything the enemy tried to kill, steal, and destroy a year ago!  Pics = Kristin caring for Jon, then Jon praying with/for a nurse on his care team. ❤

Okay, that's all for this post.  Hope you had a wonderful Independence Day!  I love you and believe in you, and I believe in God's power to bring freedom and victory wherever you seek His help and guidance! ❤

Thankful Thursday #195!!

"Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
My hope comes from Him.
Truly, He is my rock and my salvation;
He is my fortress, I will not be shaken." 
~Psalm 62:5-6

Today, I am grateful to God for...

1.  Family who feel like friends! ❤ ...Happy day-after-her-birthday to my closest cousin, Kristin!!  So grateful for our friendship, and happy to have her training for the November Route 66 Half with me!

2.  Friends who feel like family! ❤

3.  Katherine Claire, who turned 3 on Tuesday (which we celebrated last weekend - fun times)!

*Also, thanks to Mom for wrapping these gifts for me! =)

4.  Still feeling loved and happy and at home "in the 918" with Tulsa friends! ❤

5.  Also feeling loved and happy and at home "in the 405" with the fam! lol  *Thankful for fun with the niece and nephews... doing the Pitch Perfect cups thing with K-Faith and Jace showing me his new golf clubs! =)

6.  Debra, our lead Intern Supervisor at Restore, who celebrated her 71st birthday yesterday!!  Pic = Carson, Hannah, Madison, me, Angel, Debra... Jacey, Jill, and Avery (Debra and part of the ever-rotating intern team). ❤

7.  Getting to see cute baby Asher again last weekend!  He was mildly traumatized by Jace's mohawk - he touched it and started crying, which was super cute and kinda funny.  He recovered quickly, and the kids all loved holding him! =)

8.  A Cheesecake Factory brunch with the fam on the final day of June... fun and delicious!

9.  Kristin and Frankie helping this baby crow... I seriously debated holding it just for the shock value of the photo, but I couldn't do it - crows terrify me (I think of them plucking out the guys' eyes in The Passion).  But still, I'm glad Kristin cares for them enough to risk that and/or angering their parents and getting dive-bombed! lol

10.  Mindfulness walks inspired by Mel (the Launch group project is a 10-minute silent outdoor walk every day this week).  It's been good timing for me as I'm praying and working to recenter and realign my nervous system!

Happy 4th of July, friends and fam!!  Yay for being off work today and tomorrow - a last-minute gift from Judge Brockman!  And yay for hanging out with family tonight (my first post-surgery swim + cookout + TAFB fireworks at Mom and Dad's) and again with friends this weekend (Wilson pool party and neighborhood fireworks show)!  Have a fantastic day and weekend ahead!! ❤

Strong, Steadfast, and Immovable

Okay, I'm only two sessions in, but so freaking happy about working with Emily, my new counselor and life coach!  She gave me some journaling homework that opened up great conversations... and she is really helping me to reframe my fear and self-doubt and BELIEVE that there is a healthy and balanced path forward here.  I have felt worried about the extremes on both ends of the spectrum - deeply fearing a public failure to lose weight, and simultaneously fearing the negative side effects of super-rapid weight loss.

I talked about the value of intuitive eating, the inherent dangers of being super restrictive, my desire for lasting health changes over dramatic results that won't last, and the idea that no food should be labeled always good or always bad.  I was so encouraged by hearing her mirror my perspective and affirm my intuition about the emotional and physical dangers of super-rapid weight loss expectations... and overall, I feel like I'm standing on more solid ground now, both mentally and physically!

• My goal is to make steady, sustainable changes that will last for years... NOT to lose the maximum amount of weight possible in six months and then feel triggered to repeat a familiar restrict/binge cycle ad nauseum.
• My goal is lasting weight loss and health, and if it takes me a year+ rather than six months to reach a good healthy weight, that is a victory NOT a failure.
• I want to focus more on being on a healthy trajectory and NOT stress about hitting certain scale numbers on certain dates.  
• I want to focus more on getting stronger and training for my goal races, NOT on limiting myself to 200-500 calories of actual food after two protein shakes.
• I want to stay steady and gradually grow in viewing myself as a healthy person and NOT focus so much on how others view me and/or my results.
• I want to focus on being really attentive to my physical hunger/fullness cues, stopping when I am full (which will graciously come faster now), and making healthier food choices... but NOT on tracking every calorie and strictly avoiding most carbs and sugars.

We talked about the need to detach myself from the opinions of others, annnnnd we'll continue to work on that, among other therapy goals.  But I believe there is a healthy path forward for me, and I am so grateful for that hope and to be defining (Lindsey's Version) of that more clearly!  

Current audiobook.

I've been in a sinking panic mode for a bit, stressing and obsessing about the calories and the BMI and the scale numbers and feeling the intense pressure of crazy-high expectations and rigid dieting standards.  I am jumping ship and changing vessels today... intuitive eating and pursuing health and strength from a place of peace... it was the original plan and the reason I felt so hopeful, and it's a much healthier and more grace-filled trajectory moving forward, even if my physical results come a little slower.  Not changing the goal, but changing the system.  Yay, therapy.  And yay, Jesus!!  Cheers! lol

Stand firm and do not be shaken.  Be steadfast.  Be strong and immovable!  Always excel in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord. (1 Cor. 15:58) ❤

Highlights at the Halfway Point

Friends, today marks the halfway point of this very eventful leap year... 183 days before this, and 183 days left in 2024.  I have a Colorado trip, a Nashville trip, a Disney trip, losing 60 pounds, finishing the Tulsa Half-Marathon, two major exams (NCE and CPCE), and completing my Masters Degree on the schedule for the next half of this year!  Just keeping it super light and breezy. lol  I'm honestly more curious about what unplanned surprises God has in store for me, as that has been the most interesting and exciting element of the year so far...

My Highlight Reel, 2024 Part One:

• 
  New Year's Day Lunch, 1-1-2024
• “I recently said out loud, ‘Ugh, where is anyone to help!?’ about a new client with a feeble support system... and even as I said it, I realized it was me.  God continues to open my eyes and bring hope as I consider HIS power to do new things in me and through me, even and perhaps especially in situations that appear dire or dark or hopeless.”  (1-11)
• “If the world feels especially dark, pray for the light of Christ to shine in you and through you… When we feel helpless, we bring God's power and strength into that.  It’s a simple yet powerful concept:  Think about what you're dealing with lately (which reflects what is coming against you spiritually), and bring the opposite against it in the name of Jesus!!”  (Bring the Opposite, 1-16)
• “Reaching this matching milestone has not been a short or simple path.  And I'll strongly emphasize that there are no guarantees moving forward, other than that God will remain faithful and true!!”  (Embryo Adoption Match #1, 1-25)
• “In Scripture, 40 often indicates a period of trial or faith testing, closely followed by God fulfilling a promise, bringing ‘new life, new growth, transformation, a change from one great task to another.’”  (2-16)
• 
  My 40th Birthday Surprise Party, 2-17-2024
• “Hooray for starting off my 40th year surrounded by the world's best group of friends and my wonderful family!!”  (2-17)
• “I understand having a lot of things together but hiding the cringey, messy stuff.  I understand reading and writing about God's love but quietly wondering if He's ready to give up on you or deliberately keeping His distance.  I am starting to remember and understand the power of confession and getting real and feeling God fight for you in a new way.”  (2-29)
• “I'm embracing authentic accountability in places where I'm used to hiding my faults.  I'm human and prone to wander, but rather than pretending all is well (putting my image over substance), I plan on getting serious and painfully honest with trusted friends about where I'm falling short... keeping it in the light, seeking support, then repeatedly asking for God's help while genuinely pursuing change… Small compromises add up and snowball.  But so does small progress.”  (3-3)
• “My emotional sensitivity is UP, and I hate feeling this way.  Some questions/ comments are unintentionally striking a nerve lately.  I don't want my life to be forgettable, and I don't want to be pitied or mocked.  I want belonging and shared joy and connection and purpose and love.  (All of which have genuinely increased in my life over the past five years, and none of which are exclusive to motherhood/parenting.)”  (Time Change, 3-10)
• “The version of me that I dream of being does whatever it takes to stay closely connected to Jesus - she is humble and repentant and fiercely devoted… She lives a life of love that flows from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and a sincere faith (1 Timothy 1:5)!! ❤  He who began a good work in us will be faithful to complete it!”  (3-18)
• 
  McAlister's with the Whitaker Fam, 3-21-2024
• 

  One of Many Tulsa Club Volleyball Tournaments, 4-6-2024
• "I firmly believe there are wonderful Christian single men in the world, and that God knows how to connect us if I really open myself to that possibility and pray for His direction and timing.  The natural odds are irrelevant to Jesus, and in fact, He specializes in working with people most of the world has written off as too old or not good enough.  So whether it is children or marriage or a thriving counseling practice or a book that changes lives or some combination of all of that, I'm saying yes to everything God desires to give me in this life.  And I trust His heart toward me, with faith that He will protect me, give me wisdom, and open new doors for me here if and when the timing is right. ❤"  (4-7)
• “God is truly good, and holding fast to our faith does not make us shallow or naïve…  We all go through hard seasons, but gracious, embrace every bit of JOY and goodness you find in this earthly life.  Look for the good - choose love - choose life - choose to hope in Christ.”  (The Hopeful Poets Department, 4-26)
• 
  Kyndal's Final 2024 Club Tournament, 5-4-2024
  
• “Shoutout to Chettles and Jeffrey Edward for being excellent friends who consistently show up when it matters with fun-loving, supportive energy!  ...Best Brothers Ever! ;-)" (5-6)
• “My strong desire is that God will use everything the enemy intended for evil in my story to rescue and empower others and bring them closer to Jesus!  …Also praying for God to continually reveal and remove anything sick or secret in my life moving forward.”  (5-10)
• “I appreciate the reminder that women without a husband and/or children still have the God-given opportunity and the responsibility to be fruitful and multiply.  God did not leave us out of His Kingdom or of that command, and I'm genuinely grateful for that!  …I'm still waiting on His next move in my story, but I trust that God is good.  And my highest hope is not in marriage or children, but centered in the stability of Christ!! ❤”  (Mother’s Day, 5-12)
• “Motivational Interviewing = encouraging change talk over ambivalence… The therapist works with them to establishing a compelling vision (what do they really want in life?), take a shame-free, painfully honest look at the discrepancies (where is their current life not aligned with their vision?), build their HOPE that lasting change is possible (by looking at their own past successful changes and the success stories of others, knowing they have a solid support system, and leaning on God's grace), and finally resolve to make small changes that will lead to their desired outcome!!”  (A May audiobook that lined up perfectly with my conversation the Wilsons the next week, 5-16)
• 
  ❤ 5-18-2024
• “He [Chet] was in a very unique position to help me reframe surgery as a potentially healthy option to help me live a happier and longer life, without that feeling condescending or calculated or toxic or pressured.  I trust his heart toward me, and God prompted him and he spoke well, and I just feel very convinced that God worked all of this out so that my stubborn resistance would not get in the way and I would trust the new narrative and feel this peace from Him. ❤”  (In Every Detail, 5-22)
• “I think bracing up is kind of the knee-jerk reaction, and it probably stems from your history with rejection… and that's so understandable.  But this is the new, healthier Lindsey, and there's no need to carry that forward!"  (Dropping the Sword, 6-3)
• “She [Mel] says to be so careful not to say that someone who treated you terribly "loved you" - that it's dangerous because it changes your standard and lowers your bar for what LOVE should look like and how you deserve to be treated!”  (6-5)
• “Mom came in and we held hands and prayed together, and I loved that!  One of the nurses mentioned that I was their 7th surgical patient that day, remarking ‘Lucky number 7!!’  Mom and I both looked at each other and smiled - so many little nods from God.”  (6-8)
• “The great majority of the changes I've made over the past 3+ years were internally motivated by the hope of adoption and motherhood.  I'm uncertain whether that will ever happen, but increasingly confident in God's goodness and power to change things quickly... and I think part of His goodness to me in this season is getting to love and connect with my close friends' and fam's kids, who are very precious to me!”  (6-13)
• “In my immeasurable thoughts, prayers, and intentional efforts toward motherhood/adoption as a single woman, my heart is never in *complete* alignment with that goal... the thing that gives me the most pause is understanding the value of a good dad in a child's life.”  (Father’s Day, 6-14)
• “On Tuesday, I received news of the 3rd rejected embryo adoption match.  I was surprised, but not devastated - more curious what God is up to."  (6-20, God was clearly preparing me for this news in what I wrote about the week before in the two quoted posts above)
• “I feel repeatedly in awe of all God has done and all He is doing, reliant on His daily grace, aware of His power and my own inadequacies, growing in humility and hope for the future.  Surely God's goodness and mercy are following me, and He is directing my steps and calling me forward.”  (6-27)
• “When I got to work today, I promptly registered myself for the Route 66 Half (exactly six months from my pre-op diet start date) and the OKC Memorial Full (on their 25th anniversary next April)… I love you and believe in you, and I believe in your ability to reset and remember who you are... and to live in better alignment with your values and God-given strengths!! ❤”  (6-28)
• 
  Kate's 3rd Birthday Party, 6-29-2024

YAY for the 7 photos and 24 blog quotes that best represent Part 1 of my 2024.  Yay for bookending this post with the Wilsons and Fultons, for whom I am infinitely grateful.  Yay for good friends and wise counsel and a solid support system and slowly surrendering to change!  Yay for seeing God's hand at work as I look back over the past (and when I slow down and pay attention in the present).  Yay for this fresh start and for feeling hopeful and excited about what lies ahead in Part 2 of 2024!!  Happy Monday, Happy July, and Happy Birthday to Malori today!

God is WITH us and FOR us, and He will be faithful to complete every good thing He has started inside us as we are faithful to intentionally walk in step with Him!! ❤

Friday Reset + New Goals

Happy Friday, dearest friends and fam!! ❤

I went to lunch with the Cleveland County court reporters yesterday... pic = me, Melissa, Tonya, Marla, Sandy, Victoria, and Jacinda.  I had a good talk with Marla and Melissa, and we all talked about how they can best handle the coming changes with two reporters retiring and Marla and I leaving next year.  (We ate at The Winston - I had half a grilled cheese dipped in tomato soup, and it was fantastic!)

Last night (20 days out from surgery) was the first time I have been physically sick and thrown up post-op.  Without shaming myself or blaming this on any one food, I will say that my fear-based thought process and indulgent food choices yesterday were out of alignment with my overall goals, and I am honestly grateful that it made me sick... as it felt like a good physical boundary and a needed mental/emotional reset moment.

This = my current screensaver, and yes, it makes me think of Mufasa. lol  But the message feels important and worth highlighting!

After a short workout and a morning Launch session, when I got to work today, I promptly registered myself for the Route 66 Half (exactly six months from my pre-op diet start date) and the OKC Memorial Full (on their 25th anniversary next April).  I printed off the happy training plans below, Googled the start dates, and decided to train to walk/jog a 16-minute mile on the Half and a 14-minute mile or better next April.  GET EXCITED!!  Completing a Full has been a long-term goal for me, and the timing on all of this feels right and feasible.  And if I can talk my close friends/fam into doing a 5-person Marathon Relay Team (maybe Dad, Triston, Kristin, JEM, and Chet) where I get to run with various people throughout the course next April, that would be EPIC, soooo be expecting that discussion -- unless, of course, you wanna join me for the entire course!! lol ❤  

These plans allow me to ease into it and commit to two shorter runs on weeknights and one long weekend run, and I'm going to be cautious and research the best way to train after bariatric surgery, as it adds some unique challenges.  It's only 14 weekends with double-digit mileage (including both races), so that feels manageable.  *I would still love to try a Disney half or full at some point, Lord willing... but the RunDisney system is surprisingly complicated and quickly sells out and getting a spot is very difficult, so I'm going with the races I'm already familiar with for these milestone goals - the full closer to home feels like a solid choice when I don't know exactly how my body will react to that!  Anyway, I start training for the Half around three weeks from now, then there is a delightful three-week recovery break around Thanksgiving, then I train for and complete my first Full Marathon next Spring (and run a 5K with Kyndal Faith the day before)... and then approximately two weeks after the Full will be my Graduation ceremony in Colorado.... umm, let's freaking go!! lol  The surgery is helping to reshape my physical body, and this training (+ HCOTF calendar strength-based cross training) will help with reshaping my identity and mindset.  As Alex from Peloton would say, "You're an athlete.  Act accordingly!"  ❤

I've been thinking about how true this is lately - hooray that I'll be cleared to swim and strength train a week from today!

❤❤  Love them!  And their parents.  And their pool. lol

The Myers celebrating Jessica's birthday (on the 13th)!

I try to remember this with counseling... to bring my God-given energy and light into the room rather than empathetically merging with the client's distress in a way that makes it harder to help.

Focusing on the protecting my peace mindset.

And that's probably plenty for today. lol

I love you and believe in you, and I believe in your ability to reset and remember who you are... and to live in better alignment with your values and God-given strengths!! ❤

Reflecting

This = our list of topics to choose from on our Research course paper and presentation, all integrating Scripture with a counseling concept.  My group chose #3, but every one of these hold genuine interest for me!

1.  Holistic Approach to Counseling & The Concept of Shalom (Peace)
   
2.  Empathy in Counseling & The Parable of the Good Samaritan
   
3.  Personal Growth and Transformation & The Renewal of the Mind
   
4.  Forgiveness in Counseling & The Teaching of Jesus on Forgiveness
   
5.  Identity Formation in Counseling & The Concept of the Imago Dei (Image of God)
   
6.  Mindfulness & The Practice of Contemplative Prayer
   
7.  Resilience Building & The Strength Found in Faith
   
8.  Interpersonal Relationships & The Biblical Principle of Love
   
9.  Acceptance and Commitment Therapy & Surrender to God's Will
   
10.  Existential Counseling & The Search for Meaning in Ecclesiastes

Since we're nearing the finish line, another assignment due in August is a 7-minute creative video where we personally narrate a recap of our CCU experience thus far.  Yes, please!!  When I think about how different the topics and assignments would be at other universities, I feel increasingly grateful that God led me to Colorado Christian.  When I hear John Eldredge explain the story of how Wild at Heart began... or hear Debra talk about how God directed her steps from place to place in her counseling career... I feel inspired and excited about the road ahead of me.  For right now, it's a gift to have homework I enjoy... and classmates I connect with... and professors I respect and admire!  I’m still in the messy construction process, but things are beginning to take shape. Working on surrendering my stubborn will to God, not comparing my path with others, and trusting Him more deeply… ie personal growth and transformation and the renewal of the mind (Romans 12:2)!

I'm gearing up for Residency 3 next month, where we will present on our topic above & lead the first-year students in their role-plays!! ❤  This time last year, I had not started working with Restore or even heard of Oak Haven or Calm Waters.  I was reminded this week what a profound gift it is to work with clients who are processing their pain and intentionally stepping toward healing, to observe wonderful therapists and interns, to learn from caring supervisors, to practice deep breathing and grounding regularly, to play fun board games and laugh with cute kid clients, to pray with Christian clients, and to help people who are stressed/hurting feel seen and loved and less alone!  

God's kindness is rich and abundant and trustworthy... He is pulling me out of the ignorant scarcity mindset one way after another.  In the blooming areas where His goodness is so obvious to me AND in the underground-seed areas where I cannot see much evidence yet, God is faithful.  He is actively at work.  He still loves me.  He is enough.  He will provide.  He opens doors no one can shut.  He knows my needs.  He cares about my heart.  He has good things for me.  His timing is best.  My hope is firm and secure.  My faith stands on a firm foundation.  My cup runs over.  I shall not want. There is no scarcity or lack in His Kingdom. And His Kingdom is right here among us!

This relatively-brief season of busy Internship hours and finishing up schoolwork probably doesn't look like anything major to most people, but my soul knows better.  I feel repeatedly in awe of all God has done and all He is doing, reliant on His daily grace, aware of His power and my own inadequacies, growing in humility and hope for the future.  Surely God's goodness and mercy are following me, and He is directing my steps and calling me forward.

"You go before me and follow me. You place Your hand of blessing on my head."  ~Psalm 139:5

He is with us and He is for us.

Praying you feel confident in that truth today! ❤