Surprise, surprise (to no one) - I'm on here more! lol
Studying is overrated. Just kidding - but breaks are lovely.
Today marks 3 months post surgery - a milestone worth celebrating!! I'm currently down 58 pounds and 11 BMI points, tapering down on blood pressure pills, and feeling more energy and confidence! This has by no means been a smooth or perfect journey, as those who follow me here know pretty well. But over the course of three months, I have actually come a long way. I am working with Emily (my counselor/coach) on building better mindsets and habits and systems, untangling from old shame patterns, and processing new things that come up in real time. I feel proud of the internal growth and deeply grateful to be seeing real progress on and off the scale!! ❤
Blossom patient #7 on June 7th - still makes me happy! ❤
Today was also the OSU game with Chet and Karli - fun times - more on that in a later post!
Cheesy as it may seem, this was a timely meme for me... I LOVE that it's about butterflies (the most well-known metaphor for transformation from the lowly caterpillar to beautiful butterfly - but they can still feel fragile and need shelter and rest).
In the midst of big decisions and major studying (and fun with family and friends), I find myself thinking about spiritual warfare. Our spiritual enemy knows our weaknesses and shame points, and he loves to target them. I feel pretty aware of the main limiting beliefs I've wrestled with... and I have worked hard over the years to reprogram those core beliefs with God's truth and wisdom, but Satan has simultaneously worked hard to reinforce them through conflict, rejection, disengagement, and disinterest. Over and over and over. His schemes and patterns are predictable enough that we should expect it and be prepared for it, but most of us don't do a great job with that...
It does help to step back and remember that he is our real enemy - that we are never wrestling or warring with flesh and blood (fellow flawed human beings), but with dark principalities and powers genuinely seeking to divide and destroy us, so having "eyes to see" those attacks and having a heart to align our thoughts with Christ is VITAL.
Positive change is fun, but any change is hard work. Humans naturally resist it. I have a ways to go, but even now, my mind has not really caught up with the physical changes, and it's all happening in the middle of a 3-year stretch that has held more life change and big, courageous decisions than any other period in my personal history. And now I'm ramping up to a potential career transition sometime in the near future, which feels daunting. Mostly good things, but it's been a lot in a relatively short time frame, and I tend to be a slow processor. The enemy would love nothing more than to convince me that none of these changes I've made really matter and that I will never really matter without a husband and/or family. The one thing I know in the depths of my spirit to be true is that I cannot take that bait right now.
In this season where my confidence and growth feel fragile and my counselor-voice is just beginning to have more power and influence, the enemy would love to convince me to stay quiet, to believe my story is uninteresting, that I'm no good at relationships, and that I will always struggle to command respect and engagement. Choosing wisdom and alignment with Christ is essential.
"I was playing in the beginning; the mood all changed." ;-)
For real, though, I feel this intensely right now. He attacks each of us in the seasons/areas of life where we are most vulnerable - I see that in my life and in others' - and we cannot afford to casually give him more ground. We have to armor up and fight back with truth - for ourselves and for the people God puts in our lives and for the cloud of witnesses cheering us on from Heaven. So I'm reminding myself today that I am enough just as I am right here (in my quiet nursery room with no baby) - I am loved and seen and chosen by God - and I'm taking a minute to feel that as a spiritual reality, not just a hollow platitude. My priorities and my life timeline are not set by the world, and God has a creative plan and a purposeful design for my future. My life has God-ordained meaning, and all the work I have put in lately matters - it matters. God wastes nothing - the good, the bad, the painful, the embarrassing - He uses it all for our good and His glory. There are better things ahead here on earth. There are better things ahead for us in Heaven.
There are better things ahead.
Forgetting what lies behind, I am pressing forward.
In Christ.
With Christ.
Resting in Christ.
Healing in Christ.
Powerful in Christ.
Secure in Christ.
❤
