Friday Fun (Memes & More)

Huzzah that the end of this Jury Term week has finally arrived!

I laughed way too hard at this bumper sticker on my way to work this morning - I feel like I would totally be friends with this woman. lol

Been here for sure...

True story...

An abrupt shift in tone, but I thought this was worth saving. ❤

I adore the Spongebob flower memes. lol

This too shall pass.

Love the Holistic Psychologist - love this encouragement!  "You have more choice and control in your life than you've been told."

My stomach seems extra-vocal lately so this made me laugh!

My future besties! =)

Amy and Joy (my CCU friends) dropping their daughters off for their freshman year of college in Arkansas!!

One of many fav quotes by Michael Scott

Yep. lol  Love deep talks and casual hangouts, but I do not ❤ group projects!

Mmmm, okay!!

This one is so true for me.

Reminding myself of this...

"The channel through which you develop your deepest beliefs about yourself" hit me!

Another great Holistic Psychologist post...

Made me laugh...

Often true.

Brach's Autumn Mix... yes, please!

Communication is key...

A delicious Chicken Salad Chick lunch and a good talk with Mom today (we also ran into Hilary, my cousin's wife)!

Gracious, I can't even explain how appropriate and timely this post feels right now. lol  The chaos is real in stores and in life, "the changing of all seasons at once!"

Song of the Week = Broken Halos by Chris Stapleton (bad theology as people don't become angels when they die, but fantastic song that I love anyway)

Okaaaaay, that's really all for now! lol

HAPPY FRIDAY!!

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Book Reports

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1.  Practicing the Way: Be with Jesus, Become like Him, Do as He Did by John Mark Comer

This author comes recommended by Dr. Burkhart and John Eldredge, so I went into it pretty confident it would be good.  It did not disappoint - inviting, poignant, convicting, and theologically solid!

Quote:  “Information alone does not produce transformation. Because knowing something is not the same as doing something, which is still not the same as becoming the kind of person who does something naturally as a byproduct of a transformed inner nature.” ~John Mark Comer

2.  Iona Iverson's Rules for Commuting, a novel by Clare Pooley

A group of strangers riding the same morning train who gradually form rich, multi-generational friendships and support each other through various challenges (like aging, grief, discrimination, divorce, starting over, bullying, toxic relationships, and unrequited love) - absolutely loved it!

Quote:  “You're not past it!  You're not insignificant...  If you give up, they win!  They want us to be small, so we have to stand tall.  They want us to be invisible, so we have to be seen.  They want us to be silent, so we have to be heard.  They want us to surrender, so we have to fight.” ~Emma and Bea

3.  Hello Stranger, a novel by Katherine Center

A story about the aftermath of grief in a family and about first impressions not always being correct.  It also highlights the value of being honest when you're hurting or needing help.

Quote:  “But I guess that’s the great thing about life—it gives you chance after chance to rethink it all. Who you want to be. How you want to live. What really matters... Light matters just as much as darkness. Play matters as much as work, kindness matters as much as cruelty, and hope matters as much as despair. More so, even. Because tragedy is a given, but joy is a choice.”

4.  A Fine Sight to See: Leading Because You Were Made for It by Sophie Hudson

My hilarious podcast friend - yay!  Written for Christian women, this one is empowering, entertaining, and grounded in Biblical truth.

Quote:  “Sometimes our tendency as women is to fix our eyes on our mistakes, our regrets, and our shame with laser-like precision.  And doing that keeps us from moving forward in the ways the Lord has made us to see the world around us, love the people around us, and use our voices for good!” ~"Soph" =)

5.  The Authenticity Project, a novel by Clare Pooley

Easily my favorite read in 2024 - loved all the fascinating twists and colorful characters!  A story about a journal that gets passed around where people write the truths they don't usually say out loud... and several characters who meet and form relationships because of what they chose to share there.  There's an older single woman named Monica who is artistic and loves creating community but fears really being seen, who appears put together and organizes her bookshelves by color, and who writes about her deep desire to become a mom and the inner conflict she feels about wanting that while also feeling pulled to do something bigger with her life.  So obviously, I was hooked early on, and I loved this whole story about the way we view and define ourselves, the image we present when the truth is actually more likable, the weaknesses we dwell on versus the strengths others may see in us, the power of being open to something new, and the beauty of unexpected friendships and growth!!

Quotes:  “Perhaps the compulsion to fill every inch of space was because it made him feel less alone, or because every single object was imbued with memories of happier times, and the objects had proven more reliable than the people... 'All these things, all these memories, they’re just suffocating you, keeping you stuck in the past. You have new friends now, and home is wherever they are. You could buy a new flat and start afresh. Imagine that,’ she said, staring at him intently.”

"How extraordinary that she had been envying Monica’s life, when all the time all Monica wanted was what she took most for granted."

"The truth often isn't pretty. It's not aspirational. It doesn't fit neatly into a little square on Instagram... Surely it would be better to live a messy, flawed, sometimes not very pretty life that was real and honest, than to constantly try to live up to a life of perfection that was actually a sham?"

“Monica, I read something on Instagram the other day. It said, Mother is a verb, not a noun. I think it means there are many ways to mother without actually being one. Look at you and your café. You nurture loads of people every day.”

6.  The Rom-Commers, a novel by Katherine Center

A man and woman who are both quietly grieving different things team up to write a romantic comedy and gradually fall in love.  The dramatic twists felt a bit predictable and overblown to me, but overall, it was a good story, and I always appreciate her Author's Note at the end.

Quote:  “I had a theory that we gravitate toward the stories we need in life. Whatever we are looking for- adventure, excitement, emotion, connection-we turn to stories that help us find it. Whatever questions we’re struggling with- sometimes ones so deep, we don’t even really know we’re asking them- we look for answers in stories.” ~Katherine Center

It's very rare for me to read more fiction than nonfiction, but I needed something more relational and story-focused in this season, and I'm so glad to have found Clare Pooley this year... love her books!!  (To each their own... Clare and Katherine both write good, hopeful stories... however, Katherine's plots revolve around romance and her female characters can be obnoxiously naive, while Claire's plots about unlikely friendships weaving together have been far more interesting and complex, and her characters feel deeper, richer, and more nuanced and believable to me!)

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Thankful Thursday! (206)

"The end of everything is near. Therefore, practice self-control, and keep your minds clear so that you can pray.  Above all, continue to love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins."  ~1 Peter 4:7-8

Today, I am thankful for...

1.  Being in a season where I'm able to commit to the 2024 Bible Study Fellowship study of Revelation + feeling excited about the community and the content there!

2.  Exciting mail... like my rosegold glitter MagicBand for the November Disney trip!

3.  A fun Sunday in Tulsa with Kristin Michelle and the Wilson fam!

4.  A more vibrant and colorful photo wall update - hooray! ❤

5.  Texting, studying, and enjoying time with Abigail Meili (pronounced "Miley")... I was hesitant and unsure what I was signing up for, but I'm so happy about getting to know Abby and mentoring her through a writing project in the first half of this school year!

6.  Loving grandparents and the vital role they play... Pic #1 = Tate with Teresa, Bill, and Melissa for Evergreen's Grandparents' Day last week! ❤

Pic #2 = Mamaw and Grandpa with their four grandkids, Christmas Eve 2022!

Pic #3 = Me, Rach, Emily, and Blake with Babah and Grandad, Christmas Eve 2018!  *September 16th was the one-year anniversary of Babah joining Grandad in Heaven - I'm grateful they were a part of our lives for so many years and for  all the good things I learned from both of them!

7.  Our Monday night dinner with Dad's side of the family at BJs in Norman - I didn't get a photo of our whole group of 30, but I enjoyed catching up with T-man and the Whitakers, and I got this lovely pic with Mom after dinner! =)

*Bonus:  Thankful for my beautiful niece and handsome nephews, for our individual connections, and for their school pics this year!  (Triston's a Junior, Jace is in 6th grade, and Kyndal is in 5th).

Happy Thursday!!
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Reverse the Ripple

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to You, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." ~Psalm 19:14

Our thoughts and words always have a ripple effect, for better or worse.  What we focus on expands, so here's my "4th Quarter Focus" Power Thoughts for 2024, something I'll listen to and/or speak out loud every morning to create a strong ripple effect of positive momentum and hope!!

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Layered and Complicated

Another long therapeutic writing post - get excited! lol

Lysa TerKeurst posted this today...

"Healing is layered and complicated" stood out to me.

I had my 7th counseling session with Emily after work... it was hard, but it was good, and I am better for it.

Layered, complicated, and nonlinear are all words I don't adore.  I so want the path of healing and growth and transformation to be sudden and exciting and permanent.  (*And indeed it will be when we get to Heaven.  Right now, we're in the "partial and incomplete" portion.)

While setting my goals for the final 30-day project sprint in Launch, I knew I needed to study for the NCE (4 hours this morning - go me)... and that I needed to brainstorm and work on future job ideas (in progress)... and at the last minute, I decided I should throw in a health goal, as well.  Without thinking about it deeply, I decided "no sweets" would be a great idea since there are no major events or birthday parties I was picturing in September.

Set the goal, wrote about it and talked about it, and set myself up for a very predictable cycle.

Whenever I force myself into food deprivation and restriction, it's metaphorically like pulling back and creating tension on a rubber band... it will backfire - it will spring forward - it will result in binge eating and messy shame and secrecy patterns.  Every. Single. Time.

The effect is actually exaggerated now because at all times I am unable to eat as much as I am used to and as much as my brain still desires... so that low-level sense of deprivation went into overdrive when I took away all sweets.  The dumbest part of it is that there was no real reason for it.  I threw myself out of balance by making things harder than they had to be.

After a mini-rant on my end, Emily encouraged me to be gentle with myself... that this needed to happen for me to see all of this more clearly... and that all feels true.  I'm going to do my best to remember the rubber band thing moving forward - I'd like to stop the push/pull cycle, and it's very much up to me.

She also encouraged me to think about avoiding number goals and purely focus on cultivating balance and better health... which I KNOW in my heart is the better and wiser path forward, but I literally set four number goals in the post before this.  *insert facepalm emoji*  The messages of diet culture, the Blossom Support Group, the Blossom doctors/nutritionists, my friends, my family, holistic nutritionists, and intuitive eating counselors are all spinning together in my head and they are NOT all aligned.  Intuitively and based on years of experience, I know what is best and wisest for me here... of course, it's countercultural and hard, but my support system is growing, and my hope is growing with it! ❤

I'm taking a deep breath right now and reminding myself to be gentle and have grace with myself like I would with friends.  (Or better yet, like Jesus would with me.)  He would notice and commend what I am doing right, and He would speak truth in love about where I need to grow and push forward.  I am making more progress than I've given myself credit for, and we all need help sometimes.  This has been a lot of change in a short time period, and my mind and body are playing catch up.  Thanks to yet another uplifting talk with Chet and Karli, I signed up today for nutrition counseling with Rachel Benight, and I'm feeling hopeful and excited about that.  I am determined to frame that as a wise mentor supporting my goals and strengthening me rather than someone in authority judging my behavior and creating extra pressure.  Her less restrictive approach to nutrition feels like a step in the right direction, and I'm feeling more determined even as I'm in the process of writing this post that I am not going to let spiritual warfare convince me that I'm destined to struggle with this forevermore.

Giving myself a pep talk now... Asking for help is not weakness.

God is with me and for me here.

He is stronger than my shame and my pride and my resistance to change and the cumulative weight of all my past poor choices and failures.

He has not and will never give up on me.

I am actively moving toward a more fulfilling and purposeful job.

I have a supportive family and love spending time with them regularly.

I'm in a small group Bible study I feel excited about for the first time in years.

I'm continually learning and growing through books, podcasts, schoolwork, and time with Jesus.

I have been more vulnerable and deeply connected with my close friends than ever before this year.

In turn, I've been more vulnerable and honest and naturally built a stronger connection with Emily, my life coach, and Rachel, my soon-to-be nutrition counselor (filled out lots of paperwork today and erred on the side of oversharing). lol

There has been sincere confession and repentance for major sin, seeking healthy accountability, signing up for the Launch course, deciding to move forward with surgery, "dropping the sword" and being honest with people about that decision, speaking up for myself in friendships and setting better boundaries, pursuing God's best for my future, and seeking help and counsel when I have needed it... every bit of that has required courage.

Being tired is okay; giving up is not.

Not having it all together today is okay.

If I lose 10 or 15 pounds instead of 20 by November, it won't make me a failure.

Slow progress is still progress.

"Healing is layered and complicated."

But one layer at a time, Jesus is working with me.

And in me.  And through me.

Head high, eyes forward - there are better things ahead!!

Doing my best to surrender and find healing and strength in Him day by day.

Praying you find healing and strength in Christ, as well!

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Stream of Consciousness

Happy Monday!

I started and then deleted four different posts last night.

My thoughts were fuzzzy, and I eventually decided to just go to bed and try again today.

I'm giving myself 15 minutes for some stream-of-consciousness style writing, starting now:

Late last week, I applied for a remote Affiliate Faculty teaching position with CCU.  I completed my video interview Saturday - a one-sided video where I read a question and had a minute or less to "prepare" before giving a 2-4 minute answer off the cuff.  Obviously nerve wracking, but I did much better than I would have one or two years ago.  So yay for personal growth and becoming a bit more confident and composed and better at articulating my beliefs!

Sunday was a down-and-back Tulsa trip with Kristin - lunch at Los Cabos, splitting a cookie at GACC, shoe shopping at Fleet Feet, and hanging out at Tate & Parker's Lemonade Stand.  We had a good talk on the drive down and back, and while I didn't find new shoes, I got some Body Glide, and they say that should help with the blisters.

As for the Wilson fam, I am continually impressed with the way they create and strengthen community... in our awesomesauce friend group and in their neighborhood... it's powerful and it matters and has a resounding ripple effect.  Tate wanted to try a lemonade stand, and they turned that idea into a community-building neighborhood event and a food drive for Christ for Humanity.  All the behind-the-scenes planning, cleaning, cooking, money, and creativity that comes before the hospitality, outreach, friendliness, connections, and willingness to open up their lives and home to others - it makes me feel continually grateful to be in their close circle, and it's impressive and inspiring to me.  (What I mean by that is it inspires me to use MY God-given gifts more actively and intentionally... because I think that's what Chet and Karli are both doing incredibly well there!)

Anyway, my natural gifts include encouraging others, cultivating close friendships, writing, and mentoring/teaching, so I believe applying for a teaching position was a solid step forward, and I'm glad I had the courage for that and doing the video interview.  I do genuinely believe God has good things in store for me - I'm just extra-tired from trying to figure out the next right step.  It's hard and overwhelming at times, and I desperately wish there was a crystal clear path marked out for me.  I went to Walgreens the other day and saw a shattered pregnancy test on the ground right where I had parked.  "There's definitely a story there," I thought to myself.  I looked closer and it was a negative test, which made me sad for whoever threw it out, and made me a little sad for myself and the broken dreams I've faced there...

Speaking of, my *current plan* (always subject to God changing it) is to reopen the matching process in December... paying the exorbitant fee to update my home study AGAIN then finding another potential embryo adoption match by January or February... and if God chooses to open that door (legally and medically and biologically), then I would love to try the embryo transfer around April.  I'm deeply and increasingly aware that that door may be closed for any number of reasons, and if it closes a third time, I will take that as a sign from God and take my name off their list for the Nightlight Adoptions program.  In the meantime, I am working on a writing sample and purpose statement in order to complete my doctoral program application with CCU this week.  That intense 3-year journey would begin next June, so I need to apply and keep that door open for it in case the adoption/pregnancy plan does not pan out.  If I were to actually start seriously dating someone, the embryo adoption plan would go out the window, particularly if he already had children.  If that's a no-go but God opens other doors and I were to move forward with the embryo plan and become pregnant, then reaching for a doctorate would be indefinitely postponed.  But I simultaneously have to plan and take action as if there's a high likelihood that my dream of starting a family will not magically (by God's grace and timing) come together within the next year, so I am working hard on the doctoral application and considering potential job ideas.  And in this moment, it all feels complicated and messy.

So I am staying openminded and actively looking for anyone with serious potential in the hot-mess online dating world (a mostly frustrating endeavor where I have to continually guard against over-personalizing things or feeling too rejected and unwanted)... I'm trying to live a well-rounded, balanced, strong, and healthy life I'm proud of that makes me feel worthy of a CCU job and a Godly husband and family (while also being okay and whole and complete without anything God doesn't see fit to give me)... I'm worrying about the aging effects of weight loss while hoping to continue losing steadily while wanting to avoid vanity and diet culture... I'm updating the resume and submitting several required documents to apply for the doctoral program while waiting to hear back on the CCU teaching application... I'm needing to find some sort of stable counseling job or push HARD to build up my own coaching business in 2025 and just feeling a bit unsure about what I would most enjoy and thrive in there... I"m studying for the upcoming CPCE and NCE (which I postponed so I could go to the OSU game this weekend)... occasionally looking at homes in the Tulsa area and internally debating when I should plan to move back... and of course, I have this week's school quizzes and homework + my BSF Revelation homework + training for the Half + the Launch sprint + work transcripts + finishing the three great books I've started! =)

(And that's my individual life, not getting into the stories concerning other people I care for and think about on a regular basis.)  So yeah, when I let myself really pull back and look at the whole picture, it makes sense that I feel a little tired and frazzled, a little hesitant and unsettled, and very grateful and hopeful simultaneously.  Even as I write this, I’m realizing there is an irrational, not-from-God inner pressure to master everything all at once - releasing myself from that now!

I'm a work in progress in so many areas - my food choices and friendships definitely included.  It's more challenging for me in chaotic seasons like this to make healthy choices.  But honestly, life is full of seasons like this - we rarely know the next step, and God rarely moves on our timeline or according to our expectations.  Every person I know could create a chaotic list like mine above - our thoughts can spiral in any direction, and it's up to us to bring them under the authority and protection of Christ!!!  I have to trust Him and not my own understanding... leaning on my faith, hope, and love.  My spiritual warfare epiphany from last week still stands - it is real, and the enemy loves to kick us while we're down (or overwhelmed).  I have to get back to the basics and pursue Jesus wholeheartedly... the Revelation study on Thursday was a powerful reminder for me there.  We can feel proud of ourselves and get credit for doing a lot of minor things right while we're really missing the central point of life, which is loving and honoring Jesus, and loving ourselves and others well!!

Okay, my 30 minutes are now up - I extended my writing time as I got going. lol

Here are a few pictures to go along with all that I've written above... calming myself down - I want to say I am truly thankful for the wonderful people, the big opportunities, and the natural strengths God has placed in my life... He is FAITHFUL, and I trust Him to mark out the right path that He has tailored and custom-made for ME ("run the race marked out for you") and to lead me through it step by step!

Love that quote!  My Enneagram 9 vice is sloth, so being engaged in life and taking right action is the virtue I most need to pursue.  I'm working on that - it's very challenging to know the right step sometimes, so I love to be reminded that any action is better than doing nothing, and that we can work with God and course correct along the way.  Hope your week is off to a great start, and I would appreciate your prayers for peace and wisdom and God opening the right doors as I KEEP MOVING FORWARD!!

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P.S.  100 Days until Christmas!! #getexcited

In addition to all the life goals listed above, my physical goal and hope is to lose 10 pounds by JEM's bday (10-7), 20 by the Disney trip with the Wilsons and Weatherfords (11-8), 30 by Christmas, and 40 by my 41st birthday... then mostly focus on health, intuitive eating, and maintenance!  Okay, I'm really done now. ❤