Photo Friday!

Happy Friday!!

I'll start with a little inspiration from Mel in the final Live Training for Launch!  Love her and believe in this - we have a lot of power to choose our direction and/or change course as needed! ❤

Thanks to all the football talk on the Big Boo Podcast, I totally understood this meme! lol

Keep going! ❤❤❤

Small changes; remarkable results!

Another good reminder.

Jace and Mom bringing a few more boxes for me to take to Melissa's tonight!

Dad at his State Farm desk with a card from his staff on Boss's Day this past Wednesday! ❤

Aww, look how young - 15 years ago is crazy!  This was a fun Cheddar's dinner with the original Lifegroup "mini-group" of me, Malori, Chet, and Nathan... (Malori took this one, and I magic-erased the sideburns I know Chet doesn't like seeing. lol)  Now I wanna know what under-his-breath comment Nater-tot made! lol

"The world offers only a craving..." I think about that line so often.

I'm headed to Tulsa soon to join Chet, Karli, and Melissa for MJ: The Musical -- get excited!!  I asked Rach if she had anything sparkly I could wear, and she brought over half of her closet. lol JK but she had a lot of options for us!  =)

I miss The Office!  (Top right pic is Pam wondering whose relative Michael is dating. lol)

Just me and Parker E hanging out and coloring with sidewalk chalk on lemonade stand day... I tried to pull her hair out of her eyes but she liked it blowing free in the photo! lol

The fam... back in August. lol  I was just scrolling through several pics on Google Photos and decided to throw this one in again. =)

In spite of the top photo being all inspiring and hopeful, I also feel this one pretty deeply. lol

What's next for me?  Well, God knows, and that's enough for now! lol

Hope you have a fantastic weekend ahead!

Thankful Thursday #210!

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

His compassions never fail.

They are new every morning.

Great is Your faithfulness."

~Lamentations 3:22-23

Today, I am thankful for:

1.  The way good friends and family help us pull back from negative thought spirals and see ourselves in a better light!

2.  Being back on Facebook and seeing lovely, fun pics of friends and their families!  (Tate's food drive; fall cuteness of the Moss kids, the Shoemakers, and the Myers; and Teresa with her grandkids for a bday dinner at Hideaway).

3.  Also grateful for inspiring posts that encourage me to keep moving forward!

4.  My awesome new Christmas tree, and the tradition of decorating early with Mom! 

5.  Donald Miller... his life story and the many ways his books and videos have shaped me!  (This video was about overcoming waves of emotion and fear... being the tall ship that makes it through the dark night.)

6.  Positive updates on Kristen, a friend recently diagnosed with Leukemia.  Thankful she has a good support system and care team and that her body is rebuilding!  *Praying for a match for her bone marrow transplant!

7.  In much lighter news, thankful for these fun headbands for the Disney trip ahead... I may have to share the mini-crown one with Parker Elizabeth! lol

Happy Birthday to my cousin, Al, and happy Thursday to everyone else! =)

❤ ❤ ❤

Perfect Love

 

Loving this song lately... a man coming out of depression and really enjoying a good relationship, and at the same time feeling terrified that God will take it away.  Relatable for anyone who knows deep loss...

"And I thank God every day for the girl He sent my way,

But I know the things He gives me, He can take away...

There's no man as terrified as the man who stands to lose you."

(All of my posts today go together.  I just figured breaking it up would be preferable to writing the world's longest blog post.)  As I listened to this song and as I watched Nobody Wants This, I found myself thinking about God's love versus human love, and how often we make the wrong choice and prioritize the wrong thing, begging for people who don't love us to stay while ignoring/minimizing the value of God's faithful love and presence.  How we often see romantic love as a grand prize and view God as the means to an end rather than our First Love or our heart's real home and refuge.  It's tragic when you step back and see it clearly.

True safety and security and belonging are rooted in Christ.  We belong to Him and with Him, and we are safe in His protective strength.  We cannot ever lose Him, and nothing can separate us from His love.  That is not a small thing.  It's honestly the deepest desire of our heart - to be fully seen and fully known and fully loved - we struggle to grasp the reality of it with God, but I want to seek deeper understanding there.  We will never get that level of love and depth of connection in a perfect way from another flawed human being - "the world offers only a craving..."  We have to stop putting people on pedestals they can't live up to, and we have to stop viewing God as manipulative or careless in how He treats our hearts.  He LOVES us personally, and when He takes someone or something away, He does it on purpose, with purpose, and for a purpose.  It is not cruel or random or meaningless.  All things work together for our good and His glory when we love Him and are called.  Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.  But He understands our pain and heals our hearts, and He wants us to have and enjoy beautiful things.  He plans to give us a future and a hope as we surrender to His will and timing.  I've been struggling to trust Him and see this clearly lately, so I'm reminding myself right now to hold on to what I already know to be true.  He is good and faithful and with me and for me, and His ways are higher than mine.

When we love Him more than any other person or thing, that is the perfect love that casts out fear.  We cannot lose Jesus; we CAN lose everyone and everything else we love here on earth.  Thinking about relational loss always feels scary, but let's root our wandering thoughts in what we know to be true about God's goodness and love for us, and His deep love for the people we care about.  Perfect love (resting our hearts in the love and goodness and power of God) drives out fear.  That makes so much sense to me in this context.  Our hope and strength and security are in Jesus, and nothing will separate us from His love.  He knows what is best for us in every season (even the harsh winters and the pruning seasons).  We are being refined, not brutally punished - the heart behind it is love, not anger or disappointment or indifference.  Perfect love drives out fear - we can trust Him.  God wants us in good, healthy relationships, but we need to remember that He alone is worthy of our heart's greatest love and deepest trust. ❤

Okay then.  Thanks for being here.  That's really all for today, friends and fam!

On Being Human

So I passed the National Counselor Exam yesterday. ❤

"Mini-wave in celebration of me!!" (-Chandler Bing)

This is the counseling equivalent of a lawyer passing the Bar exam, and I passed with a great score on the NCE (required to move toward the LPC licensure) and the CPCE (required to graduate CCU).  Still, I didn't feel as excited as I'd expected.  I'm feeling uncertainty about what is ahead, fear of failure, and a sense of confusion and isolation in figuring all of this out.

So I'm taking a minute here to separate the light from the dark -- to remind myself that I have an enemy who loves to destroy important milestones... and that God has given me a sound mind and power and self-control, not a spirit of fear.  I am not on my own - God is with me, and He has a plan mapped out, and He knows how to prosper me and give me hope and a future.  

I despise feeling messy, and I have been unfairly frustrated with myself for how emotionally messy this year has been.  So I'm reminding myself today that life is messy - being human is messy and hard and humbling and complicated - no one gets out unscathed.  It's completely normal to have ups and downs and for our motivation and confidence to ebb and flow.  Habit change, emotional regulation, and genuinely changing the way we view ourselves... these things are challenging for everyone with a sincere desire to improve!!  They are *not* impossible, and "the hard is what makes it great."  It's okay to be misunderstood, to not have it all together, to have layered emotions and a complex backstory.  We are not helpless or hopeless, and it's okay/expected that change is not easy or natural.  I am human and imperfect, and there is abundant grace for that.  There is forgiveness and mercy to cover my sin and selfish choices and trauma responses and defense mechanisms.  God knows me well and loves me anyway.  I am safe.  God has not given up on me, and He knows that whatever progress I make here will be partial and incomplete... I will never arrive at perfection this side of heaven, and that's actually a comforting thought for me right now.  Releasing the pressure and perfectionism, drawing near to God, and acknowledging and holding onto good progress.

Time for moving forward, editing how I see myself, upgrading and expanding my identity to allow for more hope and change!

In summary, it's okay to be human.  In case no one else tells you today, let me remind you that I love you and I believe in you.  And I believe that however messy and imperfect things may feel today, our choices matter, and there is more beauty and goodness ahead for us! ❤

❤ ❤ ❤

Hold On

"Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.  Let all who are spiritually mature agree on these things.  If you disagree on some point, I believe God will make it plain to you.  But we must hold on to the progress we have already made."  ~Philippians 3:13-16 NLT

The NIV phrases that last verse, "Only let us live up to what we have already attained."

This verse is on my heart lately.

Praying for God's grace to strengthen and sustain me.  It's so easy to lose sight of the progress we've made... to backtrack, to drift, to get complacent.  It would be difficult and unproductive to explain the irrational sense of powerlessness and defeat I have endured lately, but I am increasingly aware that I cannot let my feelings take control.  Emotions matter and have a purpose, but I have Scriptural wisdom and I have a higher calling from God, so I am taking responsibility for regulating my emotions and keeping the waves outside the ship...

God is with me and for me - I am not alone, and I am NOT starting from scratch.  Spiritually and relationally and in my future career, I have a solid foundation to build on.  So I will trust Jesus and live up to His calling, remembering and validating and holding on to the progress I have already made!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Step by Step

"Dear friend, I hope all is well with you and that you are as healthy in body as you are strong in spirit."  ~3 John 1:2 ❤ 

I've done a 30-minute walk or bike ride every day lately... this gif makes me happy... taking life step by step, determined to keep moving forward!

More time outside + a social media break + extra time in prayer has all been really good for my physical and mental health!

I definitely haven't been perfect, but I'm making some good strides on healthier eating and tracking foods.

Seemingly random insert, but I'm inspired by the Atkinson fam - Taylor is a fireman, Lauren a successful marketing professional, Lizzy runs a successful home business, and Torie (not pictured here) is a talented artist... (Lauren was voted Woman of the Year and this is a party for her).  Anyway, I love that they pursue their dreams and have each created unique and meaningful lives based on their interests and gifts!

Also inspired by Lindsay and her dedication to health and healing!

There's a sin-nature part of me that seems committed to absurd self-sabotage, that desires to hide and/or escape the work of change.  But the whole and healed and redeemed new me is growing stronger, and I'm getting better at regulating those emotions and holding on to deeper truth and believing in myself and my ability to stay the course and CHANGE. ❤

Listening to this audiobook right now (recommended by Amy from CCU)... really good so far!

I had a meeting with Rachel tonight (the nutrition counselor), and we went over my lab results.  I feel encouraged and grateful because my glucose, insulin, and other key numbers are better than expected, and now we have some clear goals for improvement on vitamins and the cholesterol and thyroid function numbers.  This is also a great reminder for me that it's better to know than to wonder - always better to face reality head-on than to fret about what might be wrong.  When it comes to my health, I've made some stupid poor choices and had such a hard time holding onto hope for change.  Even with the help of surgery, lasting victory will not come without a fight.  This has been a year with intense ups and downs, but God's mercy is freshly available for me, and no irreversible damage has been done (according to last week's labs).  God is not done with me yet, so I'm taking what feels like a clean slate here and running with it!!  God is more than able - I'm confident in His power to renew my mind and transform my life... one obedient action step at a time! ❤

'Tis the Season!

My new (flocked 8.5-foot Bethlehem Lights) Christmas tree - loving it!! ❤

Mom and I decorated on Thursday and Saturday... YAY!

We added a few new things in the kitchen...

Including this happy wreath over the vent hood, which we both love (wreath from Hobby Lobby, bow added by Mom)!!

On Sunday, we made a stop at Amber Marie after our time at the Weatherfords!  This was the entrance to the pink Christmas room... which we're considering as a new theme for my house next year. lol

Presents and wreath by Mom for Melissa's house... then some ornaments and pricey Christmas ribbon at Amber Marie!

An adorable and fun sequined Christmas sweater for the low price of $230... didn't get it, but it was fun to try it on!

My neighbors' house with the gigantic spider outside (no thank you) vs. me, fully decorated mid-October! lol

Happy Christmas!!

❤ ❤ ❤