Weekend Update

It's been a good weekend... here's a quick recap.  Yesterday was a Tulsa trip for the Mini Miss K's volleyball tournament (The Kaizen Invitational at the Cox Business Center downtown).  Dad and I drove separately and met Rach and Kyndal there (they stayed Friday to Sunday).  

High fives with the club coaches and parents! =)

She aced 7 jump-serves in a row in two of the afternoon games I watched - go Kyndal Faith!!

Without getting into all the details, they shifted some things around and changed up her position, which was a big disappointment initially... but she's showing a lot of resilience and heart and determination, and I'm super proud of her for that!!

LOVE her and always enjoy cheering for her team! ❤

Grandpa and Kyndal + the awesome hair ribbons Rach made for the team!

Front and center in the Tulsa sign pic after winning two games in a row!

Just Jace being Jace and making himself a snow beard on one of the below-freezing days last week! lol

YAY for my new diploma frame - get excited! =)

Parker E. hid to be funny when she saw that I was taking a pic... then I said, "Oh, Tate's smiling back there..." and she popped right up to do what Tate was doing! lol #siblingrivalry #alwaysfunnytome

After the volleyball tournament, I had a 2.5-hour tea time chat with Kristin Renee at Parea Coffee... then we met the Wilsons and the rest of the Foster fam for an early dinner at the Broken Arrow Chick-Fil-A!!

The kids table was the cutest and reminded me of me, Rach, Clint, and Ty back in the day!!

My fav quote from our convo:

Me (explaining my 75-Soft plan):  "Yeah, I'm throwing myself into online dating in this season.  Sooo the men of the world have 75 days, and then..." (I was pausing trying to think how to phrase adoption/embryo adoption/focusing on motherhood)

Chettles:  "Nunnery!!" lolol

I randomly thought about that and laughed out loud a couple times today!!

Group pic before we left - love this group!!  And yay for a kind CFA worker offering to take the pic!

I walked 12 miles tonight... both before and after, my feet are in rough shape, and I just didn't feel up to running, but I'm proud that I got the miles in anyway!  I listened to Harry Potter book 3 (and laughed and cried along the way - gracious, those books bring out all the emotions for me - so freaking good).  I enjoyed the sunshine -- it was t-shirt weather for 90% of the walk, but the top layer of the lake was still mostly frozen and the geese were just standing on the ice. lol  In other news, check out my cute new Sketchers shoes!!  Fun!

Mmkay that's all for today.

Hope you've had a lovely weekend and hope it's a great week ahead for you!

❤ ❤ ❤

Catalyst

I've been working on articulating my theoretical orientation and professional identity.... forming a mission statement or a one-sentence way to phrase what I do and what I care about as a counselor.  What I've come up with for now:  I want to serve as a catalyst, empowering people who feel stuck to move forward with hope and purpose.

A catalyst can be any conversation or event that provokes significant change or action.  For me, reading Hero on a Mission, the move to OKC, the May 18 conversation, speaking at Babah's funeral, Launch with Mel Robbins, some of my therapy work with Emily, and other talks with Chet Lee have all been great catalysts for positive change.  The right words at the right time matter deeply.

When people come to therapy, they are typically feeling stuck in some area, but they're also ready for change and feeling hopeful and more receptive to new ideas - good soil, as the parables might phrase it.  I want to speak words of life and hope that encourage and strengthen people to see and step into their God-given power/agency and to create a more compelling vision for their future.  I want to help and empower people who feel stuck --- (in depression, in grief, in bad jobs, in bad relationships, in bad habits or cycles) --- to believe in themselves, to reframe their story, and to take action toward significant change, setting meaningful goals and moving forward with renewed hope!

#goals

Women in abusive relationships who feel stuck there based on toxic theology or bad spiritual counsel are especially high on my list of people I would love to work with and help... I've been reading about how couples counseling is often counterproductive and sometimes puts abused women in more danger, and with all that is in me, I want to protect their hearts and help them GET OUT and BE FREE.  So we'll see where that leads or whether that's part of God's future purpose for me.

I also love to focus on holistic healing -- ie the brilliant way God designed our minds, bodies, souls, and spirits to work together, so focusing on healing and making progress in all four areas.  And I want to heavily emphasize grace -- for ourselves and for others, not expecting too much or letting perfectionism paralyze us, trusting that there will always be enough grace when we take life one day at a time.  But all of that doesn't fit neatly into one sentence.  So when I need to really boil it down and clearly articulate my calling and work as a counselor, I'm going with "My passion is empowering people who feel stuck to move forward with hope and purpose!!" ❤

Wandering Wednesday

This post holds some rambling thoughts - just go with it. lol

What a gift this week has been.  Having a holiday fall on my birthday, then two unexpected days off thanks to the icy roads and below-freezing temps.  I actually got ready for work both days... started the drive yesterday morning and my car spun a bit in my neighborhood, then I texted Judge that I was taking the day off since nothing needed a record.  They ended up closing the courthouse at 11am.  Today, they opened at noon for reasons unknown, but our afternoon hearing was continued, so Judge told me not to worry about coming in.  Gift!!  I'm very grateful for a little extra downtime and rest, along with the brownies I baked yesterday, because snow days just call for baking! lol

Currently blogging and watching About Time -- so many poignant lines that make you think about what matters most in life -- a total treasure ever since I sobbed my way through the ending in theaters in November 2013. ❤

Anyway, here's a few pics from my birthday dinner with the fam on Monday -- we went to Ted's and had bundtinis for dessert to celebrate our February birthdays (me, Jace Michael, and Rach)!

Rachael made me this heartfelt card - makes me laugh that this is a real verse! lol

The fam. ❤

Jaceman making me laugh with the eyebrow action! lol

Miss K finally updated her FB profile pic to this one from a volleyball tournament.  Still not a face-forward smiling pic, but better than the shadowy one she had before. lol

Making some major progress in my own therapy lately -- really taking the time to do the homework matters.  And yes to being gentle with ourselves.

I kinda feel this one right now. lol

Tate Haywood after losing two teeth last week... he apparently lost the remaining top front tooth today! =)

Three of my favorite men in the world.  And baby Henry, who I'm confident will grow to be a great man in his time! ❤

Melanie's new book released yesterday.  I'm about 75% of the way through the audiobook already, and it's been excellent -- it's her story of growing up with an abusive, narcissistic mother and eventually finding healing and setting difficult boundaries as an adult, then raising a wonderful, strong daughter -- I love her and her whole family more than you would think I could having never met them in person!  Yay, Caroline and Melanie and Perry!!

Well, this is 41.  It's off to a slightly painful and slow beginning, but I am getting back up, and I'm believing it will be a beautiful year ahead!  Do I have loads of unresolved questions about what the future holds?  Yes, but that is not unique to me.  And what I do know is that God is good and He sees me and cares about me, AND although life has knocked me down sometimes, I'm resilient, I am not alone, I am loved, God is never giving up on me, and I am not giving up on myself or on God and His good plan for me.  I will keep adapting and learning and growing and moving forward.  From my birthday to today, I have had a few important conversations with friends, I've accepted an invitation to interview for CCU's doctoral program on March 7th, I've interviewed for a therapist job and accepted a second interview for Friday, I've done several at-home workouts to stay on track with my training, I've given online dating another shot, and I've worked out a few mini-goals for the coming months....

Tomorrow will be 78 days away from my CCU graduation ceremony, and I will be starting "75 Soft" - with 3 days off thrown in there.  It obviously won't all be perfect, but I want to feel proud of this chart when I hit graduation day. For the sake of accountability, my five areas of focus will be: 

• Healthy eating and tracking (2 protein shakes + veggies daily and staying in my weekly points range - focusing on building consistent patterns)
• Drinking more water (6 bottles a day - doable, but it requires more intentionality and focus post-surgery)
• Continuing the marathon training workout schedule (which definitely ramps up here in the second half)
• Averaging 10 pages a day of a real live actual book (I have two that don't come in audiobook format that I would love to finish)
• Online dating - either messaging with someone (hopefully) or liking 2 new profiles daily, any online dating site -- (sticking with that for 75 days may feel like the biggest challenge here, but I'm doing my very best not to personalize things too early and perceive rejection that isn't there AND to lean into the worthy-of-love identity I want to build up rather than the unchosen/potentially unworthy identity I've become too familiar with)

In all of life, honestly, I want to focus on the new identity I desire to build rather than the old story I want to release... allowing God to bring more healing and trusting Him to do something brand new (2 Corinthians 5:17)!  I feel this deeply, and I'll probably write more on it later, but I want to get serious about abiding in Christ and becoming more whole and holy through God's love (Ephesians 1:4).  ❤

Okay, shifting gears, today's 3-mile Wednesday walk was not quite as fun as walking with Kristin at The Station!  I used my lovely walking pad along with an actual walker for handrails (with weights in front of it to keep it from moving). lol  I so feel like I'm going to fall if there's nothing to hold on to - this was a random makeshift fix idea from a Peloton FB group, but it worked, so that's a Wednesday win!

This post is full of randomness!!  Conclusion:  This 2-day work week feels like a lovely birth-week blessing! =)  I am getting back up and doing my best to press into the abundant life God designed for me.  I'm determined to show up and do the work that needs to be done, confident that God has good things in store!  I love and value you, and I believe God also has good things in store for you as you show up and do the work that needs to be done!! ❤

Know your worth.  Show up.  Do the work.
❤❤❤

Life in All its Fullness (41)

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.

I have come that they may have LIFE,

and have it in all its fullness."

~Jesus, John 10:10

Happy 41st Birthday to Me! ❤

This = my wonderful Tulsa friend group celebrating with me at Los Cabos last night!! ❤

An awesome, sparkly new mug from JEM and Kelly!!  (And a "Birthday Girl" tiara Chet bought for Mom's 70th bday but forgot, so I claimed it for my party!)  =)

Jeffrey and Henry Edward! =)

My mini-BFF, Parker Elizabeth!! ❤

Harvey Lane and Tate Haywood! =)

So much cuteness!!

❤❤❤

Hey, Wilson fam.... for real for real, THANK YOU.  For the key role you've played in my life, obviously, but more specifically today, for the role you've played in making my birthdays special over the past decade+.  Hosting a few of my parties, planning two surprise parties in OKC, baking or buying the cake repeatedly, making fun birthday banners, Cricut cake toppers, great gifts and cards, Swiftie-themed party decor, a surprise snow-day visit, video songs from the kids, a random birthday bonfire (at my request), and more... really just coming through every year in big and small ways - it is much appreciated!!  (The second-from-right pic on the bottom row = Chet adding peanut butter chips to the Ludger's cake for extra decoration, and it brings me joy that that even occurred to him. lol)

I made this for my friend, Kristen, in January.  And today, I am believing for myself that the best is yet to come in my story... God has a better idea of what that means than I do, but I AM TRUSTING HIM.

Hooray for this well-timed holiday!!  

(I would very much welcome a courthouse closing tomorrow, as well.)

I slept in this morning, then Kristin and the boys treated me to lunch!  Our original plan was Neighborhood Jam, but that was everyone else's plan too. lol  To avoid the 45-minute wait, we went to BJ's, where we all enjoyed lunch and mini-pizookies!! ❤

The boys also brought me flowers and candy and a sparkly pink card they picked out for me themselves with a set of stick-on nails! lol  Could not love it more - thanks again, Whitakers!! ❤

* * * * * * *

We have a spiritual enemy whose actual stated goal is to steal, kill, and destroy the good things God is doing in our lives -- I have sensed that more than usual lately.  We also have a caring and powerful God who wants to give us LIFE in all its beauty and fullness -- so I am leaning into that abundant energy and hope today!  There is life and hope and healing in Jesus, and His goodness and mercy and wisdom and love are with me today.

“Christianity is not a promise to enjoy a life without pain, nor to be given a shortcut through it. It is a promise that pain, sorrow, sin – ours and others – will not swallow us, destroy us, define us, or have the final word. Jesus has won the victory. And in Him, so have we!” 

~Stasi Eldredge

So in spite of this dreadfully cold weather and feeling a little blue and off-kilter last week, February remains my favorite month, and this has been a really fantastic birthday weekend!!  And now I'm off to meet the fam for a late birthday dinner at Ted's (after Kyndal's vball practice). ❤

Thanks so much for stopping by.

I love you and believe in you, friends and fam,

and I hope you've had a great day on my 41st birthday!!

❤ ❤ ❤

Marathon Monday #10

Happy Marathon Monday, friends!  On Saturday, I got up at 7am to do a 14-mile run (you can always know I mean that as walk/slow jog) in the best weather that day had to offer.  It's about as proud of myself as I've ever felt, if I'm being honest... 

It had been a rough week for me - mind, body, soul, and spirit.  I was not feeling energetic or powerful or in the mood for a good run.  It was early and sleep sounded good.  14 miles felt intimidating - (13.1 is the longest I've done prior to that, and that's only been on official race days).  It was super foggy and dreary outside.  It was cold, and it rained a bit.  And by the end, I had 3 blisters on my right foot and two on my left (something that seems inevitable for me during longer runs).  BUT I pushed through, and I freaking did it!!!

I got a second wind in that final mile, and it made me feel more confident that I can really do the Full!  ...That I can push through any negativity and drama and find the grit and inner strength to keep moving forward, even when things feel hazy and unclear. #metaphorforlife #onestepatatime

It was just me and Jesus out there (and one or two other joggers or people walking dogs), so this was a faith-building jog, as well.  I listened to 3 Christian podcasts, finished a John Eldredge audiobook, then listened to worship songs for the last 3 miles... kudos to Peloton's Kirsten Ferguson for introducing me to this gem (HERE) - it got me smiling and jogging with victory hands during that final mile for sure! =)

❤

This is a very random spot for this, but I wanted to mention that my cousin Emily had her baby girl, Karsten Blaire, on January 29th!  Asher Kenneth has a precious little sister now - yay! ❤

I came home and took a hot bath, then felt as close to fainting as I've ever felt when I got out... yikes... that's the only time I've had critically low blood sugar on the CGM (after a long run + hot bath a few weekends back) so I'm guessing it was that again.  I will be more careful in how I time those moving forward.

That afternoon was Anthony's 13th birthday balloon release... the weather had gotten worse, and it was crazy cold outside, so we didn't stay quite as long as usual.

I'm grateful for Anthony's life and for the hope we have knowing he is in Heaven!

❤❤❤

Me and Kristin ❤

That night, Kate came by to see us!  We had a girls dinner at Santa Fe, followed by a snowy drive home.  It was really good to catch up with her - she was recently diagnosed with MS after a verrry challenging two years of misdiagnoses and medical issues, and she has handled that news with a lot of grace and faith, another solid example of grieving with hope.

On a lighter note, Mom and I had a delightful Cheesecake Factory brunch yesterday, and seeing this on the car parked in front of me made me happy - a fun farmer, as Rach put it.  Aww, memories of Rachael's burned CD collection. lol 

Living room Birthday Eve pic, 2024 and 2025.  I'm so grateful for progress.  And I'm grateful for the reminders this week that it is normal and valid and okay to grieve over hard things and loss while holding onto the vivid hope we have in Christ that truly anchors our soul for anything this life throws at us.  ❤

And to be very clear, I haven't lost anything new or tangible.  I am just feeling the ambiguous grief more deeply lately - I'm sure the birthday and the awareness of aging plays into that a bit - the growing sense that my life will never be what I wanted it to be here on earth.  (Which, on some level, is true for all of us.  Every good thing we experience here is partial and incomplete, and comparison is the thief of joy, and I understand all of that, and I'm allowed to feel things.)  I would love to feel seen and chosen by a really good and Godly man - thus far, I am striking out hard there.  I feel pity from some and judgment from others, but rarely sincere compassion or understanding for the level of loneliness and third-wheeling and unwanted-ness I've had to navigate as a single adult.  Parts of my story have been beautiful, but the rejection I've faced has been difficult, and the messages have been poisonous, and I'm sad that my 20s and 30s did not hold family building or being loved/seen/known/chosen in the way my heart really desired.  Maybe God still has that for me - maybe - but that shimmering hope feels as fragile as a soap bubble.  I would love to be a mother and build a family of my own and pass on some of what I've learned to my child or children - I find myself wondering more and more if I need to pass that on through books and teaching and fully surrender the motherhood dream.  I don't know (and I'm not exactly asking for opinions).  I need wisdom and guidance from God, and I probably need to fast and pray for that as I begin this new year of life.  I am doing my best to lean into God's goodness and mercy, to believe His promise that He has good plans to prosper me - that what the enemy intended for my destruction, God wants to use for good and for His glory.  I want to walk in His power and love and a clear, sound mind and not allow fear to hold me back - it's a theme I keep coming back to.  But I have felt discouraged and uncertain about the life and career path ahead of me right now - I know it hasn't been that long in the grand scheme of things, but in some areas, it has, and being in limbo about what lies ahead for me is very hard on my mind and soul (and makes it challenging not to feel apathetic/indifferent about every goal I've set), so I need God to strengthen my spirit and give me endurance and grace and wisdom for the road He sees clearly ahead of me where I only see the thick fog!!

Having said all that, the 14-mile jog this weekend felt like such a metaphor for all that I'm wrestling with internally.  It was hella foggy when I got out there that morning, and much brighter and clearer by the time I left.  I was feeling weak and tired in the beginning, and strong and proud in the end!  (And physically exhausted.)  It was cold outside the entire time, but I felt better as I warmed up internally.  I spent 14 miles feeding my soul encouragement and truth - and my mind, body, soul, and spirit felt better for it!  It was a strong reminder for me to be more intentional about what I am putting into my mind, body, soul, and spirit... to encourage myself in the Lord and to focus on what I want to see growing in my life.  "So even when it gets tough, I'm gonna keep my head up 'cause I feel like God has shined a light on me!"

And that concludes my halftime pep talk. ;-)

Ten weeks of marathon training down; ten weeks to go.

God is with me and for me.

I can do hard things.

BRING IT!

❤ ❤ ❤