Full Circle

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"The current cultural messaging that tells women it's attractive to play dumb and fragile and hope that they're saved by their beauty is incredibly destructive... Let's set a new example for a generation of young women who are watching us closely.  Let's teach them by our example to be women who work hard, who pay attention to their dreams, who give themselves to making the world a better place."  -Shauna Niequist

Seeing my official diploma makes it all feel more real! ❤
Updated Edit:  I learned from Amy that "High Distinction" means I'm in the Top 10% of my class, which is pretty cool!!

Seeing the diploma, my mind quickly went back to the "Beauty for Ashes" post I wrote back in September 2013, the day I received my Bachelor's diploma from SNU... the gaping loss and despair I felt in that season, the sense of brokenness and unworthiness, the way the enemy was at work, the friends who continually showed up and built me back up, the lonnnng road to hope and healing, the strong hope for a redeemed friendship story, and ultimately getting redemption that looked very different from what I had pictured.  I feel ready to tell my story (or collection of stories) with as much grit and unpolished honesty as I can muster, to mine for new ways God will show up and speak to me as I write it all down with fresh perspective, to trust that He will use it all for good in ways I cannot see yet... wish me luck, and pray that I'll put in the work and see it all the way through!!  This is the year for finishing things I started long ago... including but not limited to the full marathon (in April), losing 100 pounds (potentially by my birthday), and writing a book (first full draft ready by September 1st and edits done by Christmas).

"We dilute the beauty of the gospel story when we divorce it from our lives, our worlds, the words and images that God is writing right now on our souls.  There's nothing small or inconsequential about our stories.  If you want your community to be marked by radical honesty, by risky, terrifying, ultimately redemptive truth-telling, you must start telling your truth first.  Don't allow the story of God, the sacred, transforming story of what God does in a human heart, to become flat and lifeless.  If you have been transformed by the grace of God, then you have within you all you need to write your manifesto, your poem, your song, your battle cry, your love letter to a beautiful and broken world.  Your story must be told."
-Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet

Choosing Belonging

Okay, I legit need to complete three transcripts and I'm struggling to get out of holiday mode (eating all the things and procrastinating on all the work), so I've deleted FB and Instagram from my phone for at least the remainder of this week, and this will be the last blog post I write from work (started it yesterday and just need to finish and publish it this morning).

I went to see Mufasa with Rach and J&K at Flix yesterday afternoon - enjoyed the movie more than I expected, and it was fun times hanging out with the Parrish crew!! ❤

Saturday was Kyndal's volleyball tournament at UCO!  I chatted with Rach and laughed about her and Mom's intensity at all sporting events!  It makes me happy just to watch the team camaraderie, and I don't care deeply if they win or lose, outside of wanting K-Faith to enjoy it and do her best! lol

I believe this used to be a pile of snow in the corner of the parking lot at Lake Hefner... either way, the standing water is new, and it made me happy to see a couple ducks hopping in for a swim on Saturday afternoon! lol

In sad news, presh Ella "Bellsy" is now in Heaven... Friday night, David texted me that they had to put her to sleep after she injured her back and was partially paralyzed... sadness.  Sam-puffins is doing well and will be 12 in October.  They've moved to Texas, so it's been a while since I've seen the best girlfranz or heard from David, but I'm glad to know Sammich has other small dog friends to play with now, and I'm grateful Bellsy didn't suffer long.  She was the best girlfran and the sweetest Pom puppy, and I so look forward to seeing her smiley little fluffy self again in Heaven (along with Rylee and Reagan and Kelsey and more)!!

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10-24-2013 to 1-09-2025

Rest in Peace Ella Belle, aka "Bellsy"

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Just inserting something random that made me laugh! =)

Huzzah for snow days and these impressive snowmen by the Wilson fam!!

Katherine Claire living it up at Disneyland - Sarah said they had a great road trip, and she highly recommends a Disneyland visit!

My fav niece and nephew enjoying CHA's Spirit Week!!
(Kyn and Dylan as refs for Duo Day + J&K on Cowboy/Cowgirl Day)

Happy Birthday to Michelle today! ❤

This = a fun new headband holder from Mom - yay!  To be honest, I like what my headband collection says about me. lol  Chet calls this dynamic "visually loud," but I'm going with "sparkly and vibrant!" =) ❤

Shifting to a more difficult and important topic, a fellow CHA alumni and FB friend is on my heart today.  She has overcome several challenges and lived with resilient strength, so I've paid attention to her story.  She shared a beautiful, joyful post on January 1st about how she couldn't be more grateful for her relationships and felt like she had everything she'd ever dreamt of at her fingertips... only three days later, she was grieving her boyfriend's death by suicide.  I do not know him or his family, and I do not know her well at this stage of life.  Still, even seeing this from a distance had a sharp impact on me.  The juxtaposition of her New Year's Day post to the heartbroken tribute posts and an obituary encouraging donations to mental health foundations and suicide prevention... it's tragic in so many ways, and I'm praying for her and her boys and his family and everyone directly affected in the aftermath of his choice.

With that context in mind, I am reminding myself (and you) to choose life in big and small ways, to draw near to God, to engage and be present with others, to set and work toward goals that mean something to you, to dwell on the ways you belong and  how you can add value to the lives around you (rather than dwelling on how you don't fit in or don't really matter to others).  The enemy is always speaking, but so is Jesus, and we get to choose which voice we listen to and get to know and prioritize.

As someone who has struggled with the darkness of suicidal thoughts MANY years ago, and as a single woman who is very familiar with playing the third-wheel role and being included in other people's family dynamics and hanging out with older and/or younger generations, I have thought about all of this a lot.  The truth is, on any given day and in any group setting, you can dwell on how you don't really fit in and make yourself feel like the outcast or the odd man out... you can choose to withdraw and dissociate and disengage and isolate and feel invisible... OR you can intentionally choose belonging and decide to be seen, to contribute to the conversation, to be genuine and vibrant and joyful, to learn from others and add value, to believe you are wanted and loved by the people surrounding you.  Relationships matter, and YOU matter - your life, your story, your talents, your God-given gifts, your opinions and desires - they matter.  When other people aren't around, you can choose to feel alone or to connect with God and believe He is always present with you - there's a huge difference in how you will feel.  I want to be a beacon for choosing life and hope and light, for reaching out every time you need help!  Choose to notice the details, to care about others, to celebrate goodness wherever you see it.  You really can step up and speak up and choose to belong.  As God's children, none of us are ever fully "at home" outside of Heaven, and everyone wants good company for the journey until we get there!  Single or dating or married, you can always choose community and belonging, and it's worth it!!

Praying we all embrace the abundant love and support that's available for us, and intentionally love and support others in return!! ❤

Seeing this was a good reminder for me as I step back from the Tulsa-move plan and prayerfully wait on what God has planned for me next.  To be here now, fully present and alive and wholehearted.  (Annnnd getting back to work. lol)

This moment matters, and your choices matter.
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Marathon Monday #5!

Happy Monday, friends and fam... hope your week is off to a good start!

A month ago (12-12-24), I interviewed for an Intake Therapist job at CREOKS.  They mentioned offering higher pay for a school-based therapist position, a solid option where I could continue working with Marla.  Since that day, I've finished grad school, hosted Christmas events, passed several background checks, accepted the job and announced the move, completed numerous onboarding documents with CREOKS, looked at homes in Tulsa, met with my OKC realtor, and connected with a potential candidacy supervisor.  Some fast-paced movement and chaos, but life always seems to slow down a bit in January - enough to hear the whispers over the whirlwind!  Having some extra time to reflect, pray, and process lately has helped me realize I don’t have God-given peace about moving for this job, as much as I wish I did...

Initially, I felt excited and believed God was opening these doors, but my own lack of inner peace + outside factors not lining up + good conversations with Chet Lee, Mom, Rach, and Kristin... along with John Eldredge’s recent warnings on guarding against deception in big life decisions, have gradually clarified that this isn’t the right path for me in this season.  I dread walking back a commitment I made publicly, especially since part of me still feels drawn to Tulsa and hesitant to let a good job opportunity go.  But when I slow down enough to be honest with myself and God, a number of factors point to the timing being off, and this role does not align well with my heart and calling.  (I am capable of growing and learning new things, but I can do nothing apart from Jesus, so I need to feel certain that He is in it with me!)  My passion is for deeper conversations and bringing light into darkness for adult clients, not full-time work with young kids and their families - the area where I consistently felt least competent and most easily exhausted/overwhelmed through my internships.

Chet had some great insight and reminded me that I'm in a good position to trust God's timing and wait for the right opportunity without rushing or giving in to pressure that's not from God.  I cannot say with any clarity what that will mean for my career moving forward, but I sincerely believe my time living closer to my family is unfinished.  By stepping back from this move and not racing into something I don't have peace about, I’m choosing faith and trusting God to open the right doors in His time...

Moving back into the unknown feels a bit deflating and sad, and I naturally worry about what others will think, which makes it harder for me to change course and admit that I initially missed God’s direction here - but I can see that embracing humility is also a rescue from something that could have been MUCH harder on me in the long run.  And my focus needs to be re-centered on pleasing God and moving in alignment with Him!  (Part of why “let them” is my theme for 2025:  Let others think whatever they will; Let me follow God wholeheartedly.)

* * * * * * *

On a related note, I completed 10 miles of training this weekend... a 4-mile walk on Sunday and 6 miles of mostly jogging at Lake Hefner on Saturday!  I am rocking the training workouts and getting better at pacing myself, but my eating habits are out of alignment with my health goals, so I am actively remedying that now!

My decision not to move means facing a couple of difficult conversations today - so far, I'm forcing myself to step up and they've gone better than expected.  And I'm gently reminding myself that my closest people will fully support me in this, and my decision won't significantly impact anyone else's daily life, AND no one is thinking about me as much as I might imagine they are... (this "people aren't thinking about you the way you're thinking about you" scene has genuinely helped me several times. lol)

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Sooo...

Deep breaths.

We can do hard things.

No one is doing life perfectly.

We are all figuring things out as we go!

Living in alignment with our values and goals matters.

God is with us and for us, caring enough to rescue us when we get off track!

I'm thankful for realignment with God's better pacing... and grateful for His grace and the timing of the quiet snow days last week.

I love you and believe in you, and I believe in your ability to make choices in alignment with God's best plan for your life!!

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Photo Friday!

Happy Friday, friends!  They closed the courthouse for the morning, and I think the roads will be much better for this afternoon.  What a grueling 2.5-day work week this will be. ;-)

Thanksgiving and Christmas 2024 were closer together than usual, and there are always so many fun parties and events that go by fast through the holiday season!  I love the details and feel like little things tend to get overlooked when life is really full, so I'm taking a minute to slow down and recap a few things through the holiday season today...

Here's Mom and Dad at Justin and Anna's dining table after the big family Thanksgiving dinner! ❤  Mom has Jace's discarded hoodie wrapped around her for extra warmth. lol

The fam came by to see my house on Black Friday before our Red Robin lunch.  The Whitaker boys always love this couch in my bedroom, the "cotton candy couch" according to them! =)

Quick pic with Chet and Karli outside Mission BBQ after Parker's ballet!

The cutest little feisty mouse from The Nutcracker!

Submitting my final CCU assignment (a paper on leadership)... I waited for the family dinner so it wouldn't feel alone and anticlimactic. lol

Professional photos by Amy... YAY!

I'm thankful for these women and our time together at CCU, and I'm so happy we have these photos to commemorate that!!  I told Chet and Sarah we're doing a legit photo shoot (with them and their families) for our Golden Friendiversary next December, and I'm quite serious about that. ❤

JEM + the Wilsons and Bradleys singing fun Christmas carols at Chet's 4th Annual Child-Free Bougie Charcuterie Board Party! lol

Kristin Michelle and I by the tree... they came by on December 15th (the official last day of class) to celebrate the official end of my grad school season, which meant a lot to me!!

Fun with Rach and Kyndal Faith (this was at Quail Springs mall the day before our Tulsa road trip)!

My 5k jog at Lake Hefner... probably my favorite training run thus far - the weather and the lakeside sunset view were fantastic, and I pushed myself and felt really good about it!

Hogie ❤

(Sapulpa Christmas Chute - photo by Chet - could corgi puppies BE any cuter!?)

Kudos to Dad and Jace for looking at the right camera. lol

This pic makes me very happy!! ❤

Lunch with Mom at the Moore Chicken Salad Chick on our party prep day (12-27).

❤ Parker E joining the fam! (minus Dad and T, who didn't come for this year's party)

Parker being the very cutest while toasting in the new year!

The ladies behind us had super-fun pink and gold balloons, so this = me deliberately getting that in the background of our Bow Bridge pic at Central Park!!

I was hoping to recreate the giant syrup bottle pic from 2010 but couldn't find any so this had to suffice.

This = why I chose the S'mores Frozen Hot Chocolate at Serendipity later that night!!  I want s'more! ;-)

On a far more serious note, this was the only artifact you could touch at the 9/11 Museum, a 10-ton piece of steel recovered from the collapsed buildings.  The tour guide encouraged us to touch it and to work together to try to lift it (which was obviously quite impossible)... but he used that to emphasize the magnitude and difficulty of a cleanup project involving 180,000+ tons of HEAVY metal and debris surrounded by semi-toxic dust.  It made things click in a new way in my mind, so I appreciated that!

The 360-degree-view from the One World Observatory is epic and very worth the visit!!

Verse outside of Trinity Church. ❤

The Miss K's unicorn drawing at our last family dinner! ❤

My backyard this morning. ❤

An appropriate winter season meme and an illustration of being deeply rooted that I love!

Shifting gears a bit, this was a fun-filled and food-filled holiday season!!  I'm honestly surprised that I haven't gained back any weight (likely thanks to the consistent increase in exercise), but I haven't lost any lately either.  More importantly, I haven't been taking care of myself in a way that makes me feel good and proud.  I have zero regrets about enjoying fun foods during vacations and holiday parties, but there were also plenty of solo, stress-based or apathy-based sugary snacks that have had a negative impact on my sleep, mindset, blood sugar, physical endurance, and overall health.  I'm seeing that more clearly, which is a gift in itself.  I'm genuinely not far from where I want to be at this point, but staying on the right trajectory is VITAL!  Thanks to having a clear plan and checklist, I've done very well with my marathon training workouts, but exercise alone is not enough.  One way or another, the season of life ahead holds a lot of transition and potential for stress, which means I will crave all the familiar comfort foods... but my mind, body, soul, spirit, and circle of influence would all benefit greatly from me making consistent, healthy nutrition choices!!  So today is prep day for a body kindness reset tomorrow - taking responsibility and buying some healthier foods, restarting the CGM tracking, and printing out a food game plan and habit-forming checklist for the marathon training months ahead!

That's all for today.

I love you and believe in you,

and I hope you take care of yourself
and have a fun and beautiful weekend ahead!!

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Thankful Thursday #222!!

"For everything God has created is good,

and nothing is to be rejected

if it is received with gratitude

because it is sanctified by the Word of God and prayer."

~I Timothy 4:4-5

Today, I am thankful for:

1. A heartfelt and encouraging message from Annie about living an abundant life in Christ as we run our unique race with perseverance!  ...I'm always grateful for her leadership and example as a sincere Christian and a thriving single woman!

 

2.  Judge Brockman treating Doris and I to lunch at Rosa Mezcal (a new Mexican restaurant on Main Street in Norman) on our first day of work in this new year... we had a good talk about future plans and how God opens and closes the right doors for us in life!  This = my salad and the cool murals on their outside patio area. ❤

3.  Having a FB friendship with my former Compassion child now that she's a beautiful adult - I love being able to continue to encourage and support her in life and love seeing her thriving lately, and I was surprised/grateful to see myself in her story on people she is praying for today! ❤

4.  Starting my new year off with an awesome trip to one of my fav cities, and getting a grateful text from Triston this morning! ❤

5.  Playing an entertaining new game at our family dinner Tuesday night... thankful for quality time together and laughing with all the fam! ❤

6.  Earning my "Millennium Club" milestone with Peloton strength workouts!! #strongereveryday  (I got up for a 5:30am class hoping for a shoutout, but no such luck. lol)  Sadly I'm starting to get sick right now, but for the record, I'm very grateful to be fully caught up on my Marathon training workouts after completing a 30-minute ride, an hour of strength classes, and a 4-mile walk/jog yesterday!!

7.  A great talk with Kristin Michelle over a delicious lasagna dinner at Benvenuti's (an Italian place I've wanted to try on Main Street that opens at 5pm, so I can't have it for lunch).  Also grateful for being able to wear several of my cute coats from yesteryear again! =) 

Bonus:  Being off work for today!  Our courthouse was already going to be closed for President Carter's funeral, but it's also our first real snow day in a while and I'm feeling sick-ish, so I'm freaking delighted and thankful to watch the lovely snow from the safe-and-cozy indoors and have a sleeping-in + movie-watching and blogging kind of day!! ❤

Stay safe out there, friends, and Happy Thursday!!

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